Monday, January 5, 2009

Cat Admits "It's Not Vintage...I'm Just Broke!"


Bogart said "I'm actually...just broke."

Ballard, WA

More and more Americans are getting away with seeming extremely cool these days by getting in on the reduce, reuse, recycle fad and using old items, which are actually quite cheap. "When the economy took a nosedive, I had to sell my car" explains Bogart, an 8-year-old neutered male from Seattle "I began to drive my mom's old Volkswagen Beetle and all of a sudden people left and right were complimenting me on my 'choice' of gas efficient cars, telling me how many new air-polluting SUVs are bought each year and giving me the peace sign...I'm actually just, well, broke dude."

Bogart is just one of many local cats who have felt the pinch from the recession that hit this past year. Gas prices hit upwards of $4.50 in California last June, forcing many to rethink their choices.


Vintage jeans can be had at boutiques for up to $300.00, or at the Salvation Army for $3.00

It has become a trend in America to use Earth-friendly, organic, re-used, and ergonomic products whether the subject is clothing, food, cars, or furniture.

Some consumers will spend extra money for things that look old and are labeled "vintage-style" or go even further out of their way to get the original of an item itself, at drastic prices either online or at special boutique stores.

Bogart discovered that shopping at the Salvation Army or Goodwill has improved his social networking. At work, people consider him "hip" for being part of the new wave of consumers out to "not appear to be consuming."

It is indeed ironic, and for Bogart, it is dumb luck. "I don't have the money to go buy $275.00 Diesel jeans anymore" he said "so suddenly, instead I go to Goodwill, pay $5.00 for an old pair of Levi's and tell people they are 'vintage.' Now, I'm sensitive to the environment, people think I'm cool!"

Bogart showed us some old pants he got from the Salvation Army for a mere $3.00. A pair of tan courduroy Wrangler jeans that aren't made anymore. "The chicks like these ones the best" Bogey said "they make me look real 'woodsy,' like I hike or something."

Only in America could such an inane farce be pulled off so well by so many. Bogart said for best results, buy on the cheap all that you can, but make sure you have a Whole Foods sticker on your car or an Obama '08 bumper sticker.

A few peace or Democrat-type stickers are recommended. This helps to pull of the "I am a rich, rude, materialistic son-of-a-bitch, but I recycle and I care." scenario.


These overpriced water bottles help pull off the look sought after by many non-outdoorsy Americans.

To complete the look it is often helpful to carry a stainless steel water bottle (spendy at around $30.00) with you at all times. Carry it on you with your old Levi's and beat up old T-shirts you got for a dollar. This way you can give others the impression that you are not a wasteful person who constantly buys and throws away those troublesome plastic bottles (that we all still will really buy anyway).

Also, the bottle helps create the illusion that you are a little "outdoorsy" or that you "care about the environment." People who already own Subarus can skip this step, as long as they have Obama stickers, are sometimes seen at REI, Whole Foods, or Trader Joe's, or have a sport roof rack on top of their vehicles that they never use.


Subaru owners can skip the "outdoorsy" water bottles in favor of Obama stickers

Dressing shabby on the cheap, looking good! Good for your wallet and for the environment too. You can also help shake the blues of this economy by moving in with your momcat.

Bogart said that you can just keep all of your stuff, in the basement, where you want it, forever, and no rent! Talk about reducing your carbon footprint! "It is a great excuse for me now" said Bogart "I have always lived with my momcat...but now I can actually brag about it."


Bogart still lives happily with his mom, while reducing his carbon footprint

Copyright Sharyn Thoma-Guay

6 comments:

Cheryl said...

I was hoping for another one tonight. She must be on a creative spurt.

SSGT Hicks, USMC said...

I am in Iraq, badly in need of a long laugh and this site does the trick. It's so seriously written that I die laughing. Thank you.

UK Fan said...

We need a kittycity fan club. I'm in. People in the UK- if you are reading this, leave word. Write a comment. It'll be nice.

Anonymous said...

I walways needed a good reason to defend the fact that i still live with me muM!

Outback Gal said...

Kitty City ... i luv ur new look!

Anonymous said...

that's carbon PAWPRINT :D