Friday, February 6, 2009

Despite $34 Billion Spent On Pet Products Each Year, Local Cat Says "I'm Still Gonna Rip Up Your Shit"



Lynnwood, WA

It is indeed a great time to be a cat. According to last year's financial reports, people in the United States this year owners spent an estimated $34 billion on their pets, which was almost double the amount spent just three years ago.

Pet owners treated their animals to fancy health spas, pet clothing, and other high-end products, including a newly-released array of gourmet and organic pet foods.


A plethora of cat amusements in a local pet store

“It is simple,” says local cat Mary Jane, a nine-year-old black Domestic Shorthair from Seattle, “our owners feel guilt for being such materialistic jerks and are trying to make themselves feel better by spoiling us to alleviate their guilt. They also feel the desperate need to please and to feel wanted, although this is more a trait of dog owners than that of cats.”


Mary Jane says she will "...rip up your shit."

“You have to remember that this type of behavior is more about the owner’s feelings of emptiness than it is of love for the pet.” said Grendel, a neutered Siamese male from Shoreline who is also a specialist in the field of human behavior from the University of Idaho, “humans have a deep need to feel like they are taking care of things, in control, they need to be wanted.”

71 million homes in the US have pets, with cats and dogs being the most popular. This has led to a rich market of new, upscale pet products, services, and even health insurance because these people are dumb enough to buy anything in their quest for inner tranquility.

“The one thing you don’t seem to get is that no matter how much crap you buy me, I’m still gonna rip up your shit,” said Mary Jane “it is how I control you, it is not the other way around, and the humans I know need to learn this the hard way. I will not be appeased with some plastic crap you bought at Pet Paradise.”


This couch showcases one of Mary Jane's finer talent's, she put this couch to good use

Grendel also said spending on pet health insurance was sure to become a growth market and that there was a marked increase in consumer spending on grooming services such as pet hotels, bed and breakfasts, pet spas, and dog day care.

"The economy can go straight down the tubes," Grendel continued, "but people are still going to spoil their animals, you can count on it. After all, they are only humans."

Copyright Sharyn Thoma-Guay

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

BEEN WAITING ALL DAY! Thanks ! and it is almost CATURDAY!

JeffHockeyMan said...

I might never spend another dime on my sinister kittens! Tanks Sharyn, you funny girl.

Anonymous said...

HAY! YOU!!!!!!!!!!! :)

Thanks for all your help in Accounting Law. I love this blog too, by the way.