Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Local Cat Feared Lost Amidst Bedroom Clutter

Seattle, Wa

Bing-Bing, a 6-year-old, spayed, Domestic Short Hair female from the Blue Ridge neighborhood of Seattle was reported missing this afternoon after her momcat spent the morning in her messy, junk-filled bedroom trying to find her.

The messy cat, shown above, was last seen being overcome by a pile of shredded paper that had symbiotically formed itself into the shape of a large net. “Bing-Bing has a hard time taking the garbage out for some reason.” momcat Butter said in a statement to the police. “She is a hoarder by nature and things just pile up no matter what I try to do to stop it from happening.”

Bing-Bing was last seen by the paper shredder in the corner by the CD tower in this bedroom

Bing-Bing’s momcat had opened the door to her room to call her for breakfast when she noticed that Bing-Bing was no longer visible amidst the rising tide of crap. She had last seen Bing-Bing furiously shredding mysterious document after document, just that morning.

Hoarding is the storing of boxes, foods, money, and even money. Hoarding of food is a natural behavior in certain species of animals, but Bing-Bing reportedly carried it to the extreme to include all forms of product, clothing, books, computer hardware, even including garbage in her stacks. Bing-Bing’s behavior is said to be an obsessive-compulsive disorder.

Butter said “…I have told her time and time again to clean that damned room, but she ignores me every time.”

Hoarding unnecessary possessions may be referred to as syllogomania or disposophobia according to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual for Mental Disorders (DSM-IV). Many hoarders acquire, then fail to use or discard, and subsequently store, random and seemingly crazy items for future use. Hoarders are sometimes referred to as “pack rats.”

“She will eat in her room and leave the trash there and never pick it up.” Butter told policemen on the scene, “There is the faint smell of ripe cheese and bacon among the clutter…I have told her time and time again to clean that damned room, but she ignores me every time.“ Said Butter.

Bing-Bing has been on a trial of the Forest Labs pharmaceutical drug Lexapro as possible treatment for her hoarding, but the drug has yet to show any improvement in her behavior. Indeed, Butter said that since Bing-Bing began the drug, she has been collecting even more bizarre objects, including toilet cleaning brushes, dog biscuits specifically marketed toward Mastiffs, and even toenail clippings from the neighbor’s garbage cans.

One corner of Bing-Bing’s room houses stacks of hoarded electrical equipment

Police entered the house and began to photograph the clutter-filled bedroom, in awe of the collection of shit. “This…is a big mess.” said Captain Jess McDonald of the Seattle Police Department. “How can one cat be responsible for all this mess?”

Bing-Bing’s momcat said in a statement that she hopes the police will search the room and find Bing-Bing before her next dose of Lexapro is due, lest she suffer ill-fated withdrawal symptoms. “I know she is in that room somewhere…” Butter said, “It is just a matter of time before they reach her, it is my faith in the Lord that gives me strength during this difficult time.”


Anonymous said...


these kitty posts are crazy!!!! wow you have an imagination :-)

Marianne J. said...

This is the funniest thing i have seen in years!

infobrat said...

Hey, this is good. I want another sham-WoW story! Bring it!

Thebossman said...

Holy cow. Thanks. Something else to waste my time on at work. Great. How will I ever get anything done again? There are at least 55 posts I've read so far that are keeping me in stitches. I have to keep emailing them to everyone I know because they're so funny. Where do you come up with all this? It's seriously creative stuff. You should work for Pixar.

kirkeguardd said...

kitty city gazette rules!!!!!!