Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Local Cat Wanted In Petsmart Hit And Run Incident


Lynnwood, WA

The owner of a shiny, red, 2005, Nissan 350z was shocked today when she came out of Petsmart only to see an abnormally fat cat smash into the passenger door-side of the car, and quickly flee the scene of the accident.

The cat in question is a locally renowned and well-liked author named Eunice. A witness said in a statement to Lynnwood Police that she saw Eunice loading nine extra large bags of cat food into her car and that when she pulled the cart away, her sizable belly grazed the door of the 350z.

"It was audible." said Malachi, the witness, a 3-year-old Russian Blue spayed male, "I heard the belly graze the car, it left a huge indentation in the door panel."


Eunice is the well-known author of the bestselling novel "Orange Tic-Tacs and Ice Cream"

The witness further told Police that after Eunice grazed the door, she looked horrified and quickly dumped the shopping cart, got into her GMC Yukon, and drove away quickly. "It's gonna be a pretty penny to fix, too." She added.

"I don't think that Eunice knows how well known she is around here." Lynnwood Police Office Zach Klein said, "She buys a lot of cat food, so we see her often. Plus, she is a published author and is liked around here."


The scene of the incident, a local Petsmart store

Eunice, an 8-year-old, former-feral, spayed female, is known for having penned the highly controversial survivor novel, "Orange Tic-Tacs and Ice Cream," believed to be an autobiography, of her former-feral life, where she was abused, and severely underfed by humans. The book, spent 59 weeks as number one on top of the New York Times bestseller list and was an Oprah Book Club Pick of the Month.

The owner of the car, a human, had nothing of value to say so no one cares.

"I just hope that Eunice comes forward and tells the truth about this incident." said Officer Klein, "Otherwise it will be a spot on her untarnished record and that would be a real shame."



Copyright Sharyn Thoma-Guay

2 comments:

cheez_friend said...

geez, is dat ur car? ouch!!

Gazettefan said...

I want to read this mysteriously titled book!