Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Cat Passes Out After Eating Eleven Apple Fritters


Lynnwood, WA

At 3:30am yesterday, young kitten Ernie, a 1-year-old Scottish Fold male, decided he could not wait any longer. Excited and unable to sleep, Ernie ran downstairs and grabbed the DVD he knew his momcat had bought for him just the night before.

This past Saturday, teencats everywhere gave a collective sigh of relief as the movie ‘Twilight’ was officially released on DVD, complete with a new feature, special LOLcat subtitles.

Ernie put the DVD into the player and went to the kitchen pantry to survey the area for just the right snack. His momcat had bought a box of apple fritters for the family, probably a baker’s dozen, and he opened the box to take a whiff.


The special 'Twilight' LOLcat Edition 2-disc gift set

“I was only going to eat one.“ said Ernie, “I knew the rest were meant for my family. They just smelled so good.“ Ernie said he had then grabbed the pink box and a glass of milk, and sat himself on the couch with the remote.

“I was so excited to see Edward, you know, I read all of the books. But I couldn’t go see Twilight in the theatres because they don’t have LOLcat subtitles, but the DVD does!”

As time went on, Ernie said that a feeding frenzy of sorts began. “I couldn’t stop myself,” he said, “I ate one then decided, oh why not one more, momcat won’t mind. Then two became three became nine…”

Ernie’s momcat came downstairs the next morning to find Ernie still clutching the remote control, his face covered in icing crumbs and only a single fritter left in the box.


Tomato admitted she “wanted a fritter too.”

“I am not sure what he thought his alibi was going to be.” said momcat Tomato, a 15-year-old, spayed, Scottish Fold female, “But he was passed-ass-out cold and the DVD was still playing.”

At some point during the film, the urge for fritter overtook the urge for Twilight and Ernie’s brain turned to mush.

“We had to use smelling salts to wake him, so far gone he was.” Tomato continued. “I thought I could trust him, but I guess I learned my lesson here this morning.”

Ernie was grounded for two weeks with no reading or TV privileges and has to mow the lawn each week to earn money to pay for the DVD that was once a gift.

“He needs to learn that there are limits to behavior.” Tomato said, “He was excited, great, about Edward and all this insane ‘Twilight’ stuff…but I wanted a fritter too.”

Copyright Sharyn Thoma-Guay

5 comments:

jackson said...

thank goodness, this wednesday sucked until now. got any more????

Zippy, Sadie and Speedy said...

Mom wants an apple fritter now...

Mr. Black said...

Is Fritter like Twitter, only fruitier?

Anonymous said...

Yeah they taste awesome at first, but the headache and tummy nastiness is a real killer huh?

cheezfriend said...

I can has fritter?