Sunday, March 1, 2009

Grandmacat Robbed By Squirrel Disguised As Fuller Brush Salesman

Bellevue, WA

Police in the Crossroads area of Bellevue are looking for a well-mannered squirrel last seen in a black 1964 Mini Cooper following an unusual robbery Sunday afternoon.

A 19-year-old Russian Blue grandmacat named Myrna was treated for stress at Overlake Hospital Medical Center today after being robbed at gunpoint by a squirrel cleverly dressed as a travelling salesman.

The squirrel, real name unknown, managed to gain entry to the grandmacat’s home after knocking and presenting himself as a representative of the Fuller Brush Company. The squirrel appeared to be around 1 to 2-years of age.

A squirrel matching this description is sought in the robbery

Grandmacat Myrna had been watching the Casey Treat Ministries channel when she heard the doorbell ring. “He knocked on the door and just seemed as nice as can be.” said Myrna, “I looked through the peephole at him and thought he had a copy of the Bible and believed him to be a sweet, young, Mormon boy.”

Myrna said that the squirrel wore a white shirt with black pocket protector, a name badge reading ‘Henry,’ a sample case, and had a trench coat balled under his arm. “He knocked ever so gently and appeared to be deep in thought when I opened the door, then he took a look back behind him and seeing no one, burst on past me and into my parlor, making me drop my vanilla cupcake on the linoleum.”

Myrna is well-known locally as a crafty sweater maker

Once inside of Myrna‘s home, the squirrel quickly dropped the sample case and coat, pulled out a small pistol and threatened one of her nine lives.

“He said that he was very sorry, that he needed money desperately. He said that he worked at a peanut processing plant, and that after the e. coli breakout the company was looking to downsize the staff and eventually fired him for eating nuts on the job.“ Myrna told police. “I actually felt quite bad for him. His shirt was dirty, his ear had a tear in it…he looked like he could use a nice meal.”

The squirrel was last seen barreling down the street in a black 1964 Mini Cooper getaway car

Myrna said that she tried to reason with the desperate squirrel, but that he became increasingly agitated, pointing the gun at her face, chittering, and demanded she give him ‘anything I can sell on craigslist for cash.’

Myrna obliged the squirrel, running to her bedroom, eventually giving the squirrel her late husband’s pocket watch, a string of pearls, an old, ripped, pink sock, two red ribbons, a cinnamon stick, a 2006 Rolex GMT Master II, nine peanuts, and three topaz and ruby rings.

Neighbor cat, Taco, said that Myrna makes a “…mean tuna casserole.”

Myrna’s neighbor’s came to her aid after hearing her front door slam shut as the squirrel fled the home with his treasures. Though not severely injured in the robbery, the elderly grandmacat was scared and subsequently taken in for observation.

Neighbors reported seeing the squirrel loading his gear into the back of a shiny, black, 1964 Mini Cooper and pealing off down the road towards the highway.

“I am just glad Myrna is going to be okay.” neighbor Taco told police. “She is a great old gal and doesn’t deserve to be the victim of such a crime. Plus, she makes a mean tuna casserole.”

Copyright Sharyn Thoma-Guay


CAT said...

Just FYI - Jehovah's Witnesses do not wear name badges and the colors of their shirts vary. Apparently, this squirrel was impersonating a Mormon missionary, not a witness of Jehovah.

sharyn TG said...

Thanks! I changed it to be a sweet, Mormon boy.

Anonymous said...

The squirrel in the car is a great visual too!

Erin Deighan said...

Your work is always a great read. Thanks for the laughs!

sadie said...

This tail... er, tale, is to great I've featured a link to it in Tsk, the Sneaky Kitchen newsletter.


Rochelle said...

I'm still finding stories I've never read, dozens of them.

I love the list of goodies she gave him!