Sunday, March 22, 2009

Local Cat Accused Of Stealing Whoopie Pies

Seattle, WA

A local cat was taken into custody this evening after being caught with what appears to be the remains of a dozen stolen Whoopie Pies.

Workers at Remo Borracchini’s Bakery on Rainier Avenue in Seattle called police after being held up by a dangerous-looking cat wielding a pair of chopsticks. The cat, Brad, a 6-year-old, neutered, Scottish Fold male, was reportedly not interested in money, just Whoopie Pies.

“He said he was from Maine and was dying for a Whoopie Pie.” said employee cat Ripley, an 11-year-old, spayed, Domestic Short Hair female, “He was trembling, obviously hungry, and pointed a chopstick at me. He said he’d been to bakeries all over Seattle and nobody knew what a Whoopie Pie was.” Remo Borracchini's bakery has long been known as the very best and finest bakery in the entire state of Washington.

Whoopie Pies are a traditional snack cake from the East Coast, particular to Maine. Traditional to the Pennsylvania Dutch culture, a Whoopie Pie is a baked creation consisting of two unfrosted chocolate cakes with a creamy filling in between.

Brad told police Whoopie Pies are a “weakness”

The story says in olden times when the Pennsylvania Dutch farmers opened their lunches and found one, they would yell, ‘Whoopie, I got one!’ The pies are available all up and down the East Coast in bakeries and in supermarkets, but are much harder to find on the West Coast.

When Brad came in to rob the store, he was delighted to discover that Borracchini’s Bakery does, in fact, make and sell Whoopie Pies. He pointed a chopstick directly at the clerk and demanded that she put a dozen in a box and hand them over.

“I asked him if he wanted thirteen,” said Ripley, “We usually give a baker’s dozen, you know…but he said he only wanted the twelve so I boxed them up real nice. I mean, for a robber, he was real polite.”

Ripley said “…for a robber, he was real polite.”

Brad was seen dashing out the door with the pink bakery box under his arms just moments later and the staff called Seattle Police to report the unusual robbery.

Police combed the area and eventually found and followed a trail of chocolate crumbs that led them to an alley behind a Wendy’s restaurant. “We had three cars there just in case anything bad happened.” said Seattle Police Detective Turnip, “We knew he’d be real hopped up on sugar and things like that can get outta hand really fast.”

Police surrounded the Wendy’s and found Brad snoring loudly, lying back against the garbage dumpster. Head tilted back, tongue poking out, and the pink box opened with only scant amount of chocolate crumbs, and smears of vanilla filling remaining. A true sugar orgy completed.

“He clearly ate the evidence.” said Detective Turnip, a 16-year-old Domestic Short Hair male from Alki, “But we have closed-circuit video that identifies him as the perp and shows intent.”

Officer Turnip said Brad will feel “…really gross.”

Police lifted Brad into a squad car, took the bakery box, and escorted him downtown to the local precinct to be paw printed and booked into custody.

A representative from Remo Borracchini’s bakery said they will not be pressing charges. “We feel for Brad. We are actually glad that we were able to help him out with the Whoopie Pies and from it we may get a bit of free advertising. He is a satisfied customer, sort of. That is good enough for us.”

“Brad ate twelve Whoopie Pies in total. All I can say is that when he wakes up from that sugar coma, he’s gonna feel really gross.” said Detective Turnip, “Really gross.”

Copyright Sharyn Thoma-Guay


Elin! said...

I want that Whoopie Pie too!
Can I?
yummy looking!

pughy said...

We dont have those pies here, they look real nice and tasty. But 12!!!!! Thats says huge tummy ache to me.

Another great story..

Hugs Ginger Jasper x

Cory said...

Can I just take a lick of the cream?

Zippy, Sadie and Speedy said...

Oh man, a sugar hangover! Poor guy.

Anonymous said...

WOW. I never knew what a Whoopie Pie was! Tanks!

Gandalf and Grayson said...

Mom loves Whoopies Pies. She hasn't made them in a long time because she'd eat them. All.

Parker said...


Mr. Black said...

You know he was really desperate because he went in their armed with chopsticks and pointed one directly at the clerk.

Also, he might want to think about using the Twinkie Defense.

Anonymous said...

Let's make Whoopie...pies.

Smirking Cat said...

An amateur, indeed. My cat steals steaks. Already grilled. Now that's a criminal mind!

Rufus5749 said...

I love the kitty city gazette.
I have one also!