Sunday, March 1, 2009

Local Cat Genius Exposed, Secretly Googled Everything Asked



Spokane, WA

A local cat once believed to be a rare form of genius has been exposed for what he really is; a cat with a smart phone.

Lilo, a 6-year-old, rare Tortoise Shell male, is a professor in good standing at Gonzaga University. He holds the D. Somerset Masterson Emeritus chair position in the Department of Classical Studies. Lilo teaches Greek, Latin, and Ancient History at the esteemed Spokane University.

He won his esteemed professorship at a young age due in part to his outstanding oral board exam results and from high praise from his own professors at Seattle Pacific University, the school where he received his PhD. Lilo is the youngest cat to ever teach at Gonzaga and those who knew him were astounded by the reach of his intellectual properties, which included the ability to open doors, bathroom cabinets, and kitchen cupboards.


Lilo’s intellect seemed to include mastery of the philosophical realm as well as the physical

"There was no question Lilo could not answer correctly." said Loretta, a 14-year-old Associate Professor of Psychology at Gonzaga. "The depths of his knowledge seemed unending...a black hole of genius, and every cat agreed."

A professor much loved by his students, Lilo was once offered an appearance on the television game show Jeopardy, but opted out due to what he called 'scheduling conflicts.' Lilo's reputation is on the line tonight after a stunning confession by a local student after a chance meeting with him in a pizza restaurant.


Little Man, who eventually exposed Lilo as a fraud, seen here in his dorm room

Little Man, a 4-year-old Scottish Fold, had just finished his BBQ chicken pizza when he noticed the professor and some colleagues just sitting down for a dinner at a nearby table. He called over to professor Lilo, but Lilo didn't see him. Little Man listened in to a conversation where the topic was early primate evolution. One professor asked if any of the others were familiar with the concept of early man, each, in turn, said no, whereupon Lilo suddenly got up and excused himself to the restroom.

Little Man followed, hoping to greet the professor and wish him well. What he found in the restroom astonished him. He went into a stall and overheard anxious clicking and sighing. When he came out, he found Lilo quickly skimming an article he’d obviously just Googled about pre-pleistocene hominid evolution on his Blackberry.


Lilo got his answers by Googling questions on a smart phone device

When Lilo went back to the table, he began the conversation excitedly suggesting that australopithecines were much older than previously thought, and that the difference between homo-erectus and homo-habilis was purely sexual dimorphism. The others at the table were impressed again with Lilo's genius and listened with large, blackened eyes of excitement.

Immediately following this incident, Little man went to the Dean's office and reported what he saw, that the cat, the so-called genius, was getting his answers from Googling them in the bathroom as soon as he was asked. With the secret out, Lilo was quickly called to the office after his return and has been suspended with pay pending the results of a forensic search of his smart phone.

Copyright Sharyn Thoma-Guay

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hey, this cat sounds alot like our secretary. KNOWS IT ALL. She once tried to tell the other hot secretary that automatics get better gas mileage than sticks and that it the reason they cost more.....yeah, dumb. She shoulda Googled that one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

jessica banks said...

So funny this place, so funny this site. Kitty City...where you been all my lol-loving life?

Joel said...

LOL! Can't say enough...........................................................................................................(what the?)