Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Notorious Twitter Addict Cat Dumped By Fiancé

Seattle, WA

A local cat was dumped by his fiancé this afternoon after he reportedly chose love for his Twitter account over his love for her. Sam, a 7-year-old Domestic Short Hair male was none too happy to be dumped, and quickly went back to his computer to update the fact in a new tweet.

“He spent all his time in front of the computer waiting for someone, anyone, to say something.” said Violet, a 4-year-old, spayed, Flame Point Siamese. “When I met him he said he liked Twitter, but I thought that he meant he really liked to look at birds or porn or something.”

Twitter is a social networking service that enables users to send and read other peoples’ social updates, which are known as ‘tweets.’ Updates are displayed on the user's customized profile page and delivered to other users who have signed up to receive them. The question posed on Twitter is “What are you doing?” and your ‘job’ is to answer it. Thus, you tweet.

A Twitter Addict award posted on Sam’s wall should have been a warning call

Violet said the once-hot relationship became continually cold as time went on and that Sam was constantly on the lookout on dates for a quick place to get online and check his account. “Wherever we went, he kept saying there should be a hash tag for this or that…” she said, “It drove me nuts, what is a hash tag for crying out loud?”

Violet said she should have known something was a bit different about Sam from the start when on a date she asked what kind of food he liked and he replied, ‘#steak, #pancakes, #Nutella, and #candy corn.’

“I knew his friend was fired from his job in sales because he twittered about his boss. But I never expected Sam to be just as bad. He even has an award on the wall that he won about being a tweeter addict or whatever.”

Violet gave up on Sam, saying “…he was an addict”

The romance began to decline as time went on and Sam became more and more attached to his computer. “One day he left me a love note and addressed it to ‘@Violetcat.’ What is this crap?“ She said one afternoon she came in to his den to find him crying over a broken F5 key.

“He would go into these mood swings, too. Suddenly, he’d be by my side and sweet to me. Then I realized those were just the times that Twitter was having an outage, and when I confronted him he was even more upset. He said he really wanted to tweet about being pissed off that Twitter was down. What can I say? He was an addict.”

The formula to disconnect your loved one from Twitter forever

Violet broke up with Sam, but before she did, she hired a hacker to go into Sam’s computer while they were at their final dinner where she was to break up with him.

“I wanted to teach him a lesson.” said Violet. “And I sure did.“ The hacker broke into Sam’s Seattle loft condo and logged onto his Mac. He then maliciously modified Sam’s ‘/etc/hosts’ file so his host server could no longer connect to Twitter.

“Just imagine his face when he got home,” laughed Violet, “He’ll be ripping ready to tweet only to find he can’t!” Violet smiled and said her only plans were to go home and update her blog and Facebook page.

Copyright Sharyn Thoma-Guay


Anonymous said...



Anonymouse in Seattle said...

Man, I am so dead caught if my girlfriend reads this. GZAMNED~~~~

The Meezers said...

OMG!! we are laffin and laffin!

Anonymous said...

well, my secrets are out on the table now.

MaryCanary said...

Jen aniston should heed this!!!

Mr. Black said...

Tweeting is for the birds!

Country Cats said...

Oh my; addictions can really ruin relationships. Though it sounds like Violet may have a few addictions of her own!

Funny post. ;-)

Artsy Catsy said...

Oh, my cat staff and I and my human artists LOVE your blog!

CEO (Cat Executive Officer)
Artsy Catsy

Erin Deighan said...

Always love your stuff! Any plans to take Kitty City Gazette TO Twitter? I couldn't find you. Keep up the awesomely intelligent and funny work! :)