Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Most Boring Meeting Ever, Held Today In Seattle

Seattle, WA

Over 124 cats and kittens met today from 9:00a.m. until 12:00p.m. for the 7th Annual Performance Improvement Plan (PIP) Workshop Planning Seminar in Seattle. For three hours, participants studied the art of improving work flow and reducing waste, in what is now known to be the most boring meeting ever held in recorded history.

“Every single thing on her Power Point slides was discussed, everything, bulleted or not. Every link, every number. She gave full demonstrations of every nuance.” said Sweet Praline, a 5-month-old Tortoise Shell female from South Carolina. “You kept hoping she (the lecturer) would accidentally slip and miss a point or two."

28 different accompanying handout papers were given to each individual as they entered the classroom-like setting. A paper copy of the Power Point presentation was given out so all in attendance could follow along with the lecturer.

Sweet Praline, a flight attendant for United Airlines, flew all the way from South Carolina

“I admit, it was devastating,“ said Ragamuffin, a 4-year-old Domestic Long Hair originally from Florida. “I found myself alone in the boredom, re-evaluating my path in life and that of my family.” Ragamuffin stated she found herself ‘bargaining with God.’

“I decided that if the meeting ever ended, I would promise to never fight with my husband again.” Ragamuffin said.

The meeting was monotone, much too brightly lit, and no bathroom breaks were given. There was no coffee served, no water, and sadly, no apple fritters. It was three solid hardcore hours of bar graphs and text.

Ragamuffin found herself making deals with God in her head to pass the time

“I actually, at one point, considered suicide,” reported Cosmo, an 8-month-old, neutered, Domestic Long Hair. “I feared for my life. Time seemed to stop and everything seemed hopeless and like it would never end. My bladder was really full, too.”

Young Cosmo was among those who at nine minutes after noon breathed a collective sigh of relief as the meeting was called to an end. The cats and kittens poured out the double doors gasping for air, some crying, others calling family or patting one another on the back.

“I was so scared anyone would ask a question there at the end.” said Cosmo, “God help us all if she got talking again. It would have been better with drugs."

Sadly, young Cosmo said he “feared for his life”

Other cats interviewed said that they felt they had been through a bonding experience and all agreed equally enthusiastically they had never been in meeting so boring.

“Seriously,” said Sweet Praline, “After making it through that, I feel like I can do anything in this world and handle anything that comes my way."

Another cat, jumping high into the air and giddy with delight for his freedom, said “I am just so happy to be alive at this moment, I feel I value my family more now than ever, even my mother-in-law!”

Copyright Sharyn Thoma
Photos Courtesy:
Misha, Cosmo, and Sweet Praline
& Ragamuffin, from Atlanta


Sandy S. said...

this is the funnyest thing you have EVER WRITTEN. OH MY GOD I HAVE TO FORWARD IT TO EVERYONE IN THE ENTIRE OFFICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

This is bordering on insanity. I may have to take extreme measures before I read any more of the Gazette. I can no longer drink tea while reading it, or else it comes back straight out me nose fromlaughing so hard.


Angel said...

I think I have been in those meetings! Very funny!

The Creek Cats said...

LOL! Sounds a lot when I served jury duty last month. I remember bargaining with God to just please make it end..... and there were no apple fritters!

Misha said...

I hope you are not insinuating that I was the boring lecturer. I would be the hot lecturer that all the girlcat students have a crush on.

Sharyn TG said...

No, Misha, you were a sad victim!!

Samantha and Mr. Tigger said...

Hehehehehehe!!! Mom says she has been in many a meeting like that!! Great story!
Your FL furiends,
and Maverick

Lucy Belle said...

Sleeping, napping and jumping on top of the TV is so much better than a boring meeting. Mommy suggest not attending anymore meeting next time.

Fin said...

I think Mommy was in that meeting!

Nice to meet you Kitty City!!

Fluffy and Bonkers said...

Hahaha this deserves publication for real! What a star studded cast too. Great article hahaha!

Gandalf and Grayson said...

Praline is nothing if not thorough! hahaha! Poor Cosmo, He must have been glad when it was over!

pughy said...

Oh my cat what fun, that has to be one of your best.

Keep them comming please.

Thank you so much for my super award. xx

Hugs GJ x

Name: Mr. Hendrix said...

ha ha ha ha snort ha ha ha ha ha ha thank Bast I wasn't there. Those poor kitties and what they suffered....

Dannele Petersen said...

kill me now its so funny. "making deals with god in her head?"

so funny how do they come up with this????

The Island Cats said...

We never wanna be in that kind of a meeting!!!

Anonymous said...

You should work for jay leno. He could use you or k├╝mmel or someone really. Just the ability to think this stuff up is fascinating to me I have never had an original idea or thought in my life that I ever published or did anything about. How many of us (bloggers not included I salute you all) can say that? It's fantastic. All right, now I have to stop writing on a kitty site lest my employees catch me. I'm sure they think I'm in here surfing for porn and yet I'm at this Kitty City Gazette. All I did was Google 'Obama new puppy' and found this craziness!

Zippy, Sadie and Speedy said...

Oh no, dis made mom amember all dem boring meetings she hadda take in her last job...she's almost kat-a-tonik now.

Zippy, Sadie and Speedy said...

Oh no, dis made mom amember all dem boring meetings she hadda take in her last job...she's almost kat-a-tonik now.

Pink Chihuahua Princess said...

You are so funny!

28 handouts? I thought we were in the digital age!!!

Jan's Funny Farm said...

Ah, Sweet Praline and cosmos. We don't know Ragamuffin, but she's cute.

Motivational Speaker - Jon Petz said...

I was just referred to your post. Nicely done. Always enjoy a good read like this one.
My best regards,

Jon Petz
Author "Boring Meetings Suck"