Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Over 124 cats and kittens met today from 9:00a.m. until 12:00p.m. for the 7th Annual Performance Improvement Plan (PIP) Workshop Planning Seminar in Seattle. For three hours, participants studied the art of improving work flow and reducing waste, in what is now known to be the most boring meeting ever held in recorded history.
“Every single thing on her Power Point slides was discussed, everything, bulleted or not. Every link, every number. She gave full demonstrations of every nuance.” said Sweet Praline, a 5-month-old Tortoise Shell female from South Carolina. “You kept hoping she (the lecturer) would accidentally slip and miss a point or two."
28 different accompanying handout papers were given to each individual as they entered the classroom-like setting. A paper copy of the Power Point presentation was given out so all in attendance could follow along with the lecturer.
Sweet Praline, a flight attendant for United Airlines, flew all the way from South Carolina
“I admit, it was devastating,“ said Ragamuffin, a 4-year-old Domestic Long Hair originally from Florida. “I found myself alone in the boredom, re-evaluating my path in life and that of my family.” Ragamuffin stated she found herself ‘bargaining with God.’
“I decided that if the meeting ever ended, I would promise to never fight with my husband again.” Ragamuffin said.
The meeting was monotone, much too brightly lit, and no bathroom breaks were given. There was no coffee served, no water, and sadly, no apple fritters. It was three solid hardcore hours of bar graphs and text.
Ragamuffin found herself making deals with God in her head to pass the time
“I actually, at one point, considered suicide,” reported Cosmo, an 8-month-old, neutered, Domestic Long Hair. “I feared for my life. Time seemed to stop and everything seemed hopeless and like it would never end. My bladder was really full, too.”
Young Cosmo was among those who at nine minutes after noon breathed a collective sigh of relief as the meeting was called to an end. The cats and kittens poured out the double doors gasping for air, some crying, others calling family or patting one another on the back.
“I was so scared anyone would ask a question there at the end.” said Cosmo, “God help us all if she got talking again. It would have been better with drugs."
Sadly, young Cosmo said he “feared for his life”
Other cats interviewed said that they felt they had been through a bonding experience and all agreed equally enthusiastically they had never been in meeting so boring.
“Seriously,” said Sweet Praline, “After making it through that, I feel like I can do anything in this world and handle anything that comes my way."
Another cat, jumping high into the air and giddy with delight for his freedom, said “I am just so happy to be alive at this moment, I feel I value my family more now than ever, even my mother-in-law!”
Copyright Sharyn Thoma
Misha, Cosmo, and Sweet Praline
& Ragamuffin, from Atlanta
Posted by The Kitty City Gazette at 3:36 PM