Saturday, April 11, 2009

The New York Times Announces Plans To Print LOLcat Language Edition


New York, NY

The New York Times has already announced a possible sale of The Boston Globe, a paper it currently owns. To boost already dwindling Times sales, plans were announced this morning for The New York Times to be printed in a special LOLcat language National Edition for the first time ever.

“Finally, cats everywhere can read the paper instead of just shredding it to bits.” said Booger, a 3-year-old, spayed, Domestic Short hair from Schenectady. “I am really into the Arts page, and I love Science Tuesdays!”

As the Kitty City Gazette reported in March, Comcast Cable was the first major corporation to offer services in LOLcat. Their beta trial of the services has resulted in a 29% increase in cat subscriber sales in the Seattle area.


Mary Jane said she enjoys the Times’ Science Tuesdays

Previously, cats’ demand for the popular movie, Twilight, resulted in the distribution of a special 2-disc LOLcat Twilight edition.

All this attention prompted the editors of the Times to try something new in the hopes of creating a niche market for cats who otherwise could not read the newspaper.

“I’m so excited to see the Times,” said Jackson, a 5-year-old, neutered, Abyssinian from Manhattan who also works as a hedge-fund manager. “I usually just pee on the papers,” he giggled. “I’ll pay more attention to the content now for sure.”


Jackson said he used to “…just pee…” on papers

Budget worries at the New York Times have Bostonians worried about a possible shutdown and sale of their beloved paper. Management told union leaders just last week that the Globe will lose $85 million dollars in 2009.

“If this LOLcat National Edition results in marked increased ad revenue and subscriptions to the LOLcat market, we will consider keeping the Globe,” said Times Vice-President Harry Pause. “At that time, we could also announce plans for an LOLcat edition for The Boston Globe as well.”

“Never underestimate the power of the LOLcat market,” said Jackson, “We read, eat, watch TV, and do nearly everything Humans do, except see curling as a sport. Approximately 30 percent of households have cats and now that we are gaining access in the consumer world, there is money to be made.”

Copyright Sharyn Thoma-Guay

10 comments:

Justin said...

OH MY GAWD. This is so hilarious. I sent it to the editor at the NY TIMES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ROTFLMAO...

jimmy and carli said...

I Can Haz Da Timez?

Tanks!

Dennis the Menace!!!!!!!!! said...

crazy silly girl, seriously outdid yourself this time. so well written, too.

The Island Cats said...

Where can we sign up to get a subscription???

Anonymous said...

I wants one too!

Samantha and Mr. Tigger said...

Hehehehehehe!! We luv LOL!!
Your FL furiends,
and Maverick

Mishkat said...

One of the funniest so far! The quotes from the cats are so good - we want to subscribe.

Still laughing! This really needs to be featured in the NYT.

Country Cats said...

Finally, they realize the power of the kitteh market.

Anonymous said...

no doubt, we got game!

Joel said...

Per The Island Cats. I wans 1!