Sunday, April 12, 2009
On this calm, quiet, Easter morning, thousands of young kittens woke up terrified to see not only their Easter baskets gone, but most of the food in the house gone, too.
The Easter Bunnies United Labor Union (No. 457) ruled last week unbeknownst to cats and kittens to reverse the flow charts for Easter this year due to the recession and take candy, not give it.
“I got out of bed and came into the kitchen and screamed,” said Mimi, an 11-month-old Tortoise Shell female. “All the pantry doors were open. There was a smashed waffle on the floor and all that was left of my Easter basket was a few strands of chewed up plastic grass.”
Mimi was just one of many disappointed young kitties this year
Mimi’s momcat told the Gazette that she was “in awe” of the power of the Easter Bunny when hungry, and on a budget. “It was traumatic. They tore through the kitchen like a tsunami wave,” her momcat said. “There was lettuce and radishes everywhere.”
Parents of cats and kittens all over the Seattle Metropolitan area woke up and called police to report various forms of 'Burglary by Easter Bunny.' In all, some 6,000 homes were raped and pillaged by the barrage of hungry, economically-challenged Spring rabbits.
“All I wanted was a few malted eggs, maybe a chocolate chicken,” said Charlene, a 1-year-old, spayed Domestic Short Hair. “I got up and I saw a big, fluffy, but mean-looking rabbit rifling through the refrigerator. He even took the fresh box of apple fritters my momcat had bought for us to eat after church!”
Some Easter Bunnies stole frozen breakfast items, others, ketchup
Each tale is equally saddening. Some Easter Bunnies focused on frozen dessert items, while others clearly favored store-bought cookies, Snickers bars, ketchup, and Cadbury Crème Eggs.
“There was nothing we could do,” said momcat Juggs, a 9-year-old Domestic Short hair female. “My kitten Charlene is truly heartbroken and said she will probably have nightmares now about the Evil Easter Bunny. That wouldn’t be so bad, but therapy is expensive.”
Charlene said “Dammit, I want that basket back.”
“What is going to happen at Christmas this year I wonder?” Said Charlene, “That rabbit stole my damn Easter basket and I want it back.”
Copyright Sharyn Thoma-Guay
Posted by The Kitty City Gazette at 1:19 AM