Saturday, April 18, 2009

Starbucks Coffee Losing Cats' Business In Bad Economy


Seattle, WA

The economy is still plunging with no real hope of recovery in sight, forcing some would-be Starbucks sippers to curb their usual morning java for something a bit less spendy, like toilet water.

Fourth-quarter 2008 shows earnings at Starbucks stores plummeted 97%, down to $5 million, from $159 million in the same period just one year ago.

Cats everywhere are using the bad economy as a reason to switch to other, more affordable beverages. One option is to get into the habit of drinking toilet water whenever it is available.


Domino agrees toilet water is cheaper

"Personally I never liked Starbucks' coffee" said Domino, a 5-year-old, neutered, Domestic Short Hair from Edmonds, "I was just trying to be one of the hip crowd. It's really my owners who like it, I just got into the habit of dipping my paw in it, toilet water is cheaper, and better."

Cats are quite lucky to have access to the readily available supply of good toilet water in the area. Others will opt for puddles, lakes, rivers, street runoff, or pond scum.

"With pond scum there is the added benefit of a bit of protein with every sip" says zoology expert Jasmine, a 4-year-old spayed Manx, and professor from the University of Washington.


Candy said she also enjoys a tasty mug of tap water as opposed to toilet water

"If you look at pond scum under a microscope you will likely see a variety of living things. You get bacteria, a variety of protozoa, and algae, all of which will add nutrients."

Starbucks stores may have once been a familiar stop on your daily routine, but when times are tough the cats get going, and in some cases, they are going to drink from the aquarium.

"I can't afford Starbucks any more, so I drink from my owners' aquarium" says Dante, a 5-year-old, neutered, Maine Coon, "I get all the added benefits of the food they feed those damned fish."


Dante drinks from the aquarium

"I will just as easily get myself a nice mug of tap water," said Candy, a 7-year-old Domestic Long Hair female. "It is not always as tasty as toilet water, but if the seat is down it's the only option I have."

It is certainly not known just how long this economy will be in trouble, but one thing is for certain, cats who are smart will adapt and overcome.

Copyright Sharyn Thoma-Guay

Cat Photos Courtesy of: Wendy's Three Cats and Candy

15 comments:

Anonymous said...

i love toilet waters~!

pughy said...

Lol not sure how toilet water will go down, but Starbucks is overpriced anyhow.

Brilliant as usual.

Carol and GJ x

Zippy, Sadie and Speedy said...

We discovered, by tasting it, that we don't really like coffee anyway. Now, tuna juice, that is good stuff and it has da added benefit dat our beans can eat (and share) da tuna. Otherwise just tap water, toilet water and aquarium water is just as good.

Angel said...

How true! Why pay the prices of Starbucks when we have out own fountain!

Evy said...

Hmm. I've never tried starbucks. I personally enjoy licking the tap.

Lucy Belle said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lucy Belle said...

No toilet water for me please. I would rather have imported water from the glaciers of alps. But I understand the economy is not good so I will settle for filtered water from my running water fountain, thank you. =^^=

Rusty said...

I don't get into the toilet, but I like to lick the deck after it rains.

Licorice said...

Um, I like it when my owners come in with wet socks, i like to chew on them. I'm just sayin.'

The Island Cats said...

I like sink water..it's the best!

Wally

Jan's Funny Farm said...

We're with the Island Cats. We prefer sink water. But we agree. A cat has to make cutbacks somewhere until the economy gets better

The Cat Realm said...

We don't support ANY chain stores as a rule here! We don't drink toilet water either but always have a good supply of fresh runoff from our staff's irrigation water for their garden. And of course tap water is always available to us too!
And why go for caffeine when you can have nip, right?

Karen Jo said...

Hilarious as usual. I'm with the cats, except for the toilet water. I prefer tap water myself.

Anonymous said...

holy shit, i love the intro..."like toilet water..."

like a bomb went off funny

Jeffrey said...

Loved the article.... hilarious. But I want to show you why your kitty might not like, or like Starbucks... please check out what I found in my can of Starbucks..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=385pohwjSf8

And please feel free to repost ad nauseam.

Thanks,
Jeffrey