Thursday, April 30, 2009
“The end of the world is neigh, and it is Hollywood’s fault.” declared Smokey and BJ, both 6-year-old, neutered, Domestic Short Hairs on their website.
The boys, who were raised Catholic in New Jersey, are self-proclaimed anarchists who ‘became outraged and disgusted with the latest James Bond picture, Quantum of Solace, and thus declared jihad on the world.’
“First of all, what kind of name is that for a movie?” asks Smokey with a wave of the paw. “I waited years for it to come out and it is a real shitpile of a movie.”
Here is what each word of the crap title means:
1. A discrete amount of something that is analogous to the quantities in quantum theory.
1. The comfort you feel when consoled in times of sadness or misery.
“The title is a pile of crap, no one can understand it,” agrees BJ. “Oh, and the movie sucks.”
Director Marc Forster packed the movie with symbolism. “There’s one scene where a lady gets inexplicably drowned in oil, and it's supposed to parallel a scene from Goldfinger…” said BJ, “Another parallels, Hitchcock, holy cow, wow, but who cares?”
Skipper alerted the FBI
The cats are so angered by the ability of Humans to muck up a film so badly that they are busily concocting ways for the planet to meet ultimate doom.
“I walked in on them in the bathroom,” said Skipper, a 5-year-old, neutered, Scottish Fold male, “They were using a blacklight and drawing diagrams on the walls above the tub so only they could see them.”
Skipper immediately notified local FBI agents who began to watch the home where the boys lived. Phones were tapped, computers hacked, and any female escorts seen leaving the premises were held for questioning.
BJ said the film was ‘a shitpile’
“We started noticing them (the boys) bringing in large cases of C-4 explosives,” said one agent who spoke on condition of anonymity, “After a few months of that, we grew concerned, so we rounded them up.”
The boys are being held at the Federal Building in downtown Seattle pending investigation for conspiracy to end the world.
Reports stated the boys were attempting to contact several alien species with whom to broker a deal for intergalactic rule or total planetary takeover. Two small, fully-functional radar arrays were confiscated with the C-4 explosives.
Copyright Sharyn Thoma-Guay
Bathtub Photo Starring Smokey & BJ
Posted by The Kitty City Gazette at 11:09 AM