Friday, April 17, 2009
In a shocking new report out of the University of Montreal, Canada, evidence has surfaced proving the old adage that your momcat used to tell you "if you keep making that face, you'll be stuck like that forever!" It turns out that like so many other things, momcat was right.
Marmelade:"I cry myself to sleep at night..."
Scientists have been compiling data to this effect for years. Recently, victims have come forward and shared their sad, frozen faces of sadness. "I cry myself to sleep at night (after I eat)" says Marmelade, pictured above. The 5-year-old orange tabby lives alone in a two bedroom apartment with his owners, who allegedly make jokes about him all the time. "I never thought there were others like me out there, at least now I am not alone, it is horrible...people shove things in my mouth and take pictures."
Marmelade had been hiding from the public for years due to his freakish, frozen, facial deformities. Recently, he did a Google search and discovered thousands of other cats who had the same disorder he did. Pictured below are Ziggy and Fluffernutter, two cats who also ignored their mothers' warnings and ended up with scary, stuck expressions on their once sweet and demure faces.
Both Ziggy and Fluffernutter say that the friends they found via the internet have given them a new sense of vigor and life, a chance to come out and be in the public eye again after years of hiding their faces in shame. "It is very difficult to eat" Fluffernutter says "my mouth is in a constant sort of...open grin, you know what I'm sayin' and it is hard to chew stuff. Also, I drool alot." You can see by the photograph just how difficult indeed eating would be, and for a cat, that is a travesty.
A study done by the University of Montreal tracked the blog entries and threads from various networking sites where cats had come together and discovered that they were all victims of the same thing. If it weren't for the internet, most cats interviewed by the Associated Paws said that they would still be all alone in their shame and suffering.
Now that they know the numbers of others out there, they can band together and start lobbying congress to get money for research and hopefully find a cure. "I never believed by momcat" Fluffernutter explained "she warned me that if I made faces like that at people while in the car and we hit a bump in the road, my face would stay that way...she was right. Listen to your momcats."
At press time we are told that Fluffernutter is doing well, currently in physical therapy, and has been started on a round of homeopathic medications to treat his depression.
Any cats suffering from this same disorder should visit myfaceisstuck.org for more details, diagnosis information, symptom checking, and general networking. Come out of the closets and get your life back together again.
There is always hope for a cure.
Copyright Sharyn Thoma-Guay
Posted by The Kitty City Gazette at 3:34 PM