Sunday, May 31, 2009

Horrific Plastic Bird Massacre Today At Local Walgreen’s

Lynnwood, WA

A local cat was forced by employees to vacate the premises of a Lynnwood Walgreen’s store with a promise to never return after a vicious attack and vandalizing more than $30 in home décor.

Maya Angelou, a 17-year-old, spayed, Persian, was walking down the home décor aisle with her kittens when she saw a wall display of colorful plastic and feather birds in cages.

“They (the birds) were on sale today,” said Ralphie, a 4-year-old, neutered Domestic Short Hair, “We had a ton of them, they were 2 for $12...I think.”

The birds were originally made in China

Ms. Angelou reportedly saw the caged birds and began to tear at her hair and cry, saying “The caged bird sings with a fearful trill of things unknown but longed for still…”

A few moments later witnesses said she unleashed a wild fury and tore open the plastic cages encasing the birds, who were singing a beautiful pre-programmed electronic tune.

“Be free, be free,” she was heard shouting to the plastic birds, who then fell solidly to the floor and ceased their chirpy melodies.

Walgreen's store manager Edgar managed the mayhem

Shocked customers covered their eyes or dropped their parcels and ran out the front door in terror as the little birdie bodies thumped to the cold floor one after the other.

Ms. Angelou, a writer by trade, opened a total of 4 plastic cages, accidentally killing the birds within by the time the Walgreen’s security force captured her.

Ms. Angelou was eventually captured huddled in a ball near a display of Arizona Iced Teas, which were on sale for 99 cents.

“We lost four brave birds here today,” said store manager Edgar, a 9-year-old, neutered Scottish Fold in a public statement. “There has been a tragedy in our midst," he continued, “Walgreen’s security contained the problem and there is no more danger for our customers.”

Cherub was one of the four birds who lost their life in today’s massacre

Ms. Angelou was taken to the Lynnwood Detention center, but no charges have been filed. She would say only “I know why the caged bird sings.”

The birds who passed away will be buried together in a joint ceremony this Saturday at Evergreen-Washelli Memorial Cemetery.

Donations in their name can be sent to the Marshmallow Peep Company.

Copyright Sharyn Thoma-Guay


Anonymous said...

ROFL - love the name "Maya Angelou" and the reference to the novel hahahahahaha!

Angel and Kirby said...

You are always coming up with better and better tales!

pughy said...

Brilliant as always.. LOL

Hugs GJ x

Freya's Staff said...

Dem byrds had it commin' to em!

Go Maya!


Cory said...

I think Maya deserves 3 cheers! Kill da birdies!!!

EUTERPE said...

Surely Maya only wanted the birds to be free, no bird should be caged liked that.

Spring the Snail said...

Just serendipitously stumbled upon your site. Very creative. I'll be back and I am submitting my cat Rexy's(who has his own blog)photo. Tiffiny
ps:Spring the Snail is my garden blog reporter.