Thursday, June 4, 2009
Police were called to a local Rite-Aid drug store this morning after receiving a frantic call from a salesperson reporting a cat maliciously sniffing packages of chewing gum.
Bingo, a 5-year-old, neutered, Domestic Short Hair and 2005 Spelling Bee Championship Winner, was arrested at the scene with multiple packs of “Fruit Stripe” gum clenched in his hands.
“It was appalling,” said Cheerios, a 16-year-old, spayed, Domestic Short Hair. “I was there getting my arthritis medications when I heard a funny sound. I looked down the candy aisle and saw (Bingo) with his nose to the wrappers, sniffing. His eyes were closed, it was sickening.”
Fruit Stripe gum is considered a nostalgic gum to some
Bingo reportedly told police he had been desperately trying to break his habit of sniffing packages of gum in public, but so far had not been successful.
“Look at the names of some of these kinds of gum,” Bingo said in his defense, “Cotton Candy, Tropical Breeze, Kiwi-Melon, and worse. I cannot help it. They just sound so good I have to smell them.”
Such perverted behavior has been seen before at this local Rite-Aid store where just last week, two young frogs were arrested for groping bags of Cheese Puffs that were on sale for $1.
“It was appalling…” said witness Cheerios
“I’m sorry, but anyone who can walk past a rack of Beeman’s or Clove chewing gum and not take a good snort is nuts.” Bingo stated to Lynnwood police. “The scent of that clove gum takes me back years into my childhood and the Fruit Stripe does the same thing.”
There are multiple therapeutic avenues available to help cats with such impulse control disorders, but according to recent reports, one of the very hardest to overcome has been gum sniffing.
“In this society, we are ruled from cradle to grave by direct advertising and the want for sameness and comfort.” said police psychologist Muggly, who spoke on Bingo‘s behalf. “This is why some choose to seek solace in the simple scent of a package of unopened chewing gum. We will get (Bingo) help, and he will be okay.”
Copyright Sharyn Thoma-Guay
Posted by The Kitty City Gazette at 1:07 PM