Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Local Cat Seen Buying New Stapler


Lynnwood, WA

A local cat today made a purchase at Office Depot that included a desk blotter, a tub of salted pretzels, and a new stapler.

The cat, Ed, a 5-year-old, neutered, Persian, said that he was not planning on buying the stapler when he left the house that morning.

“It was sort of an impulse buy.” said Mike, “I really went there to get a new desk blotter, but when I walked down the aisle that had staplers in it, I decided to get myself one.”


The stapler was red and attractive

The stapler is made by Swingline, and is large with a red powder coat finish. Attractive to any potential buyer, it is obvious why Ed chose to purchase it, regardless of need.

“Usually if I need a new stapler or office supplies I just steal them from work.” Ed said, “I mean seriously, who doesn’t?”

Ed stated that he’d been laid off from his job as a dispatcher at Towing World six months ago and thus couldn’t steal any office supplies for the first time in his life.

“I’ve never in my life paid for office supplies, never.” he said, “Even when I was a kid, my momcat used to steal office supplies from work whenever we needed them. I don’t think we ever paid for stuff like that.”


Ed had always relied on stolen office supplies

Indeed, reports indicate more teencats tend to steal office supplies than older cats. More than fifty percent of cats recently surveyed said they’d stolen office supplies in the past week.

No information in the report indicated just how many cats had been caught taking supplies or how many had been fired, are in jail, or were executed for their behavior.

“I figure this is a step towards a clean start.” said Ed. “Maybe doing something good will bring me luck in terms of my job searching.”

Ed further stated that he planned to take the stapler home, unwrap it, and use it “…for attaching multiple pieces of paper together.”

Copyright Sharyn Thoma-Guay

8 comments:

The Meezers said...

hahahaha - we loved it!

Kitties @ Our family cat-a-blog... said...

This made my morning. Cold and gloomy, except for coming here! Thanks!

Angel and Kirby said...

funny! you have my stapler.

Mishkat said...

Ha ha ha! The last line is great!

Smirking Cat said...

I love the part about stealing office supplies from work..."who doesn't?" indeed.

ML said...

Hee hee hee, furry good story. An who wouldn't that attracktive red stapler????
Love & Purrs,
KC

Zippy, Sadie and Speedy said...

Excuse me, I beleeve yoo haf my stapler...Dat is a furry attraktif stapler too.

Misha said...

Who is that gorgeous Russian Blue kitteh in the top photo?!