Saturday, June 13, 2009

Local Vampire Bats Angered At Racial Slur

Seattle, WA

An attorney defending three local kittens in a robbery case apologized yesterday for saying his clients' behavior regarding the crime was "bat-shit crazy."

Some Vampire Bats, noting that "bat-shit crazy" is a derogatory slur against those of Chiropterian descent, are up in arms and say lawyer Tyrone the Cat, a 5-year-old Domestic Short Hair, should have been more sensitive.

The three kittens on trial, Diva, Ben, and Smudge, are all 6-month-old Domestic Short Hairs. They stand accused of felony charges of breaking and entering at an Edmonds house where they reportedly stole over 12 pounds of pure cane sugar.

"It's something that is clearly offensive to my race," District Attorney Herman Munster, a 3-year-old Vampire Bat stated to the Gazette.

The triplets are accused of stealing over 12 pounds of sugar

Tyrone the Cat, who graduated USC with a degree in Criminal Law, said he wasn't familiar with that particular epithet and said he intended no offense.

"It was just a remark, and sadly it was ill chosen by me due to the fact it was offensive to some persons, specifically the District Attorney," Tyrone said. "That was entirely unintentional, and I am so truly sorry for it."

Tyrone further stated that he was simply trying to get the idea out to the jury that what the kittens had done clearly had no motive and was, in fact, bat-shit crazy, and that the words just ‘flew’ from his mouth.

Tyrone said the words accidentally ‘flew’ from his mouth

One other Vampire Bat (who refused to be named) was sitting as a member of the jury and when the racial slur came out, he lowered his head in shame at the outright humiliation it caused him.

Mr. Munster, asked that the jury be ‘dismissed with prejudice’ and the case be retried in a new jurisdiction free from such vicious bat-hate.

“No one should have to work in the kind of environment where racial slurs are thrown at you left and right,” he stated. “If you can’t say ‘gay’ anymore then why should you be allowed to say ‘bat-shit crazy?’ It is a negative and presumptuous reflection on my culture.”

Diva insists “I am not bat-shit crazy”

Some city leaders in Seattle have been accused of having anti-Bat leanings in the past and this recent event has only heated up arguments between the two cultures.

Nearly 200 Vampire Bats lined the streets outside the King County Courthouse last night with signs to protest after hearing about the incident.

Tyrone said repeatedly that he only intended to imply that the kittens had acted out in a ‘crazy’ way and stated that for anyone to infer from his comment that all bats are crazy was not intended.

Copyright Sharyn Thoma
Photos: Diva, Ben, and Smudge from Sarah and Wayne
Also, Tyrone the Cat (Thanks Taylor!)
Anonymous Bat


cougarsfan said...

Just when I think you cannot possibly get any funnier. You belong in NYC or writing for Pixar.

jimmy and carli said...

It is SERIOUSLY getting harder and harder to pull myself away from your site.

I'm like ~ WHERE do you come up with this stuff and HOW do you...WTF??? AWESOME.

Anonymous said...

This story is just bat-shit silly


pughy said...

Your imagination is so good, I sometimes think it cant get any better but it does..

Hugs GJ xx

EUTERPE said...

If bats shit on you in Australia you may end up with a nasty killer virus.

Where did those young kitties pick up that expression and why are they eating pure cane sugar?

Keep up the excellent stories.

Cory said...

So funny!!!!

Anonymous said...

Excellent news-piece and lawyer cat Tyrone is soooo cute xD!

Jackson Rathbone said...

This is so good it out to be a controlled substance!

Grahamn Kracker said...

Hello Kitty City - I have an award for you.

jimmy and carli said...

this site is bat shit crazy! i love it.