Friday, July 31, 2009

Police Fear Ancient Greek Gorgon ‘Medusa’ Loose In Renton


Renton, WA

Renton residents left their drapes closed and walked their kittens to the store today in this middle-class neighborhood where one squirrel and three yard gnomes were mysteriously turned to stone.

Police called the murders ‘a deliberate, calculated act’ and said that they fear the Ancient Gorgon Medusa may be at large in the area.

According to Ancient Greek mythology, Medusa (whose name means guardian) is a Gorgon, a female monster whose gaze turns people to stone on sight. She also has two sisters whose whereabouts are unknown.


Just one glance at the Ancient Gorgon turns a person to stone

“I am terrified to even go outside to pee,” said Guido, a 5-year-old, neutered, Domestic Short Hair who lives next door to the murdered squirrel.

“I saw a large, cloaked woman strolling the area last night,” said Tandy, a 9-year-old, spayed, Domestic Short Hair. “I thought she just had dreadlocks or something…her hair was big. I’m glad I didn’t look directly at her face.”

The Washington State Patrol said in a statement that they have worked successfully with Medusa in the past, to prevent people from ‘rubbernecking’ at accident sites and causing heavy traffic congestion.


These picnicking gnomes became her victims

State and local police are not sure why Medusa would be in the Renton area or why she would be murdering gnomes, or anyone for that matter.

“She was very polite when I worked with her…and she did her job well,” Patrolman Breezy Jesus said. “No one would dare stop and gawk at the accident scenes once they heard she was on site.”

“We are confident that this was not random in nature,” said Renton Police Detective Stephen Abrams. “Not many people have the ability to turn people into stone. People need to be made aware of the dangers here, whether she has been helpful to us in the past or not, there are now four (creatures) dead.”


Desimo Puma is concerned for safety

Police are using mirrors to check parks, basements, and local tanning salons to see if they can locate the dreaded Gorgon.

All doors at the Renton YMCA were tightly locked and summer camp participants had to eat their lunches inside, despite the nice weather.

“Kids don’t get it, they hear some lady has a head of snakes and they wanna look,” said Desimo Puma, an 8-year-old Maine Coon who owns and operates a local bubble tea establishment. “We have to get the word out or more lives could be lost.”

Police are currently combing through hundreds of calls on the tip line and interviewing many potential witnesses, but said so far their leads have gone stone cold.

Copyright Sharyn Thoma
Yard Ornament Pictures: By ME!
Medusa by Carvaggio

5 comments:

jimmy and carli said...

Ha ha I'm dying laughing seriously. She worked with state patrol to reduce rubbernecking at traffic accidents!?!? That's mint!!!!

Anonymous said...

The photo of the dead squirrel is priceless ---

Angel and Kirby said...

You would think that if traffic looked at her it would cause accidents and more stalled traffic. Too Funny

Freya's Staff said...

Hey Sharyn! TAG! You're it! (just don't let that woman look at me!)

Angel and Kirby said...

Stop by our blog, we gave you an award