Thursday, August 6, 2009
A somber memorial was held today in Edmonds for a cat who died while attempting to pee on a neighbor’s pretty, prize-winning gardenias.
Jesus, a 2-year-old, neutered, Scottish Fold, who owned and operated a Waffle Emporium, was shot with a Red Rider BB gun in mid-pee just last Saturday.
"All he wanted to do was pee outside," said Jesus' poker buddy Brutus, a 9-year-old, Former Feral, Domestic Short Hair. "He was a good boy...he had a church-like following of friends."
Jesus was shot while peeing on this giant gardenia bush
Friends and neighbors said Jesus had always used the litterbox before, without incident, and no one had any ideas about what might have caused him to stray.
"Jesus was the type of neighbor everyone wishes they had," said neighbor Fungo, a 3-year-old, spayed, Manx. "He used to speak almost in parables, and there were never any hairball incidents or anything."
Friends spoke of Jesus' regard for always putting others before him and said he was the kind of cat who would give you the shirt off his back.
Fungo said Jesus spoke in parables
One friend got up and spoke of a time where Jesus once comforted a sad, lonely, neighborhood nerd, telling him that ultimately the Geeks would inherit the Earth, and that everything would be okay.
Family members said Jesus literally had thousands of friends, who came to listen to him speak on poker night and grab at his garment.
“He once said something like, ‘blessed are they which are persecuted for peeing on lawns and other sole bushes, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven,’” said Fungo, “I don’t really get it, but whatever.”
Jesus was laid to rest near a few other cats and dogs
Some of Jesus’ writings were also read aloud at the service. The most popular stated ‘Man is sinful and separated from Cat. Therefore, he cannot know and
experience Cat’s love and plan for his demise.’
"I just feel bad for the old lady who shot him," said another mourner at the services, “She’s gonna forever be remembered as the one who killed Jesus.”
Copyright Sharyn Thoma
Posted by The Kitty City Gazette at 1:02 PM