Thursday, August 20, 2009

Former Special Olympics Champ Arrested For Punching Physical Therapist


Edmonds, WA

A local cat is behind bars today after a physical therapy session ended with her punching the lights out of her therapist.

El Gato Blanco Physical Therapy, located on Main Street in Edmonds, has been in business for over ten years without incident.

The assailant, Neko, a 4-year-old, spayed, Domestic Short Hair, is a former Gold Medal winner on the pommel horse from the 2006 Special Olympics.

Neko explained that she was in therapy for her arm, which was injured when the car she was driving was sideswiped by a goat just this past month.


This goat overheated and sideswiped Neko’s car, causing her arm injury

"Oh I was so pissed," said Neko of the accident. "Those bag-boy squirrels at Albertsons carelessly overloaded a goat so badly that it overheated and caused an accident."

After two weeks of therapy without improvement, Neko had regained the use of most of her arm. But her therapist felt she needed to do more aggressive massage and stretching work to strengthen it. They had tried the very popular hot/cold pie contrast therapy method without success.

"I was on that table, face down, and he was pulling at my legs like he was hungry and I was a piece of crispy fried chicken," Neko said. "He was pushing and pulling on my muscles to hard I thought I'd snap in two. It was absolute torture! I was at the point I'd confess to anything if he'd just stop."


Greedo has been in business for over 10 years without incident

The therapist, Greedo, an 11-year-old, neutered, Domestic Short Hair, who is an ex-Marine, did admit to 'massaging' her muscles a bit hard.

"What we're trying to do there is flush out toxins and get good blood circulating in the damaged muscles so they can heal themselves," Greedo explained. “I had her doing sit ups and then some chin ups to toughen her back up to ship shape. I mean she supposedly was a Special Olympian, right?” He snickered.

"He kept goading me on and on to do that one last chin up," she said. "He could see me, red-faced, dangling from the bar, desperate to be done with this crap but he was sitting there, all slanty-eyed and smirking!"


Greedo was dreaming of apple fritters

Greedo denied that he was 'smirking,' saying instead that he was simply daydreaming about apple fritters.

"Finally I just couldn't take it anymore so I let go of the bar and popped him one right on the kisser," she admitted. Some kittens who were gawking in the front window saw the beat down occur and notified Edmonds Police promptly.

"He was actually kinda impressed, he said he'd never been hit so hard by a girl, but the police still arrested me,” said Neko.

Neko is being held temporarily at the Edmonds Police station and will most likely be set free on her own recognizance.

Copyright Sharyn Thoma
Special Olympic Champ Photo: Thanks to Felicia Williams
Other Photos: Random

5 comments:

Angel and Kirby said...

Popped him in the kisser! So funny!

PIG-MAN said...

Grunt.

Fartyr said...

This is the funnest site I ever saw , Omg -

Zippy, Sadie and Speedy said...

Grrrr...mom would like to do dat to someone right now!

Anonymous said...

Sideswiped by a goat!!!!!!!!!! Ha ha, the funny is in the details here