Friday, August 14, 2009

Hundreds Of Smurfs Feared Dead In Local Litterbox

Arlington, WA

Six more Smurfs found buried yesterday in a local litterbox bring the total found up to 100 as allegations fly and persons of suspicion are questioned regarding this macabre crime.

Over the last six months, a series of Smurf murders have remained unsolved and the bodies accumulating, having been randomly discovered buried in local litterboxes throughout the borders of this once calm and sleepy-eyed small town.

This time, the sad, dismembered, blue and white plastic remains were found under a thick, clumped pile of litter in an Arlington home beside scraps of a velveteen catnip mouse, and what appears to be an old Playmobil action figure. It is believed at least one Smurf’s skull was decapitated before its untimely death.

This witness feels bad for the families of the missing and dead Smurfs

Arlington Police said a sniffer dog, who found some of the first remains, has identified six other Smurf burial sites in and around the home where the litterbox was found.

“I feel terrible for the families,” said Witness Jacob, a 2-year-old, neutered, Former Feral Domestic Short Hair who attends Arlington High School. “I can’t imagine their grief.”

Specially designed search and rescue equipment has confirmed specific areas of interest and Arlington Police said they could not rule out the possibility that "hundreds more" Smurfs might be found by the end of the year.

This photo was taken before Vanity Smurf disappeared, his mirror was never found

“We have no idea at this time who or what is killing all these Smurfs,” Police officer Mark Jujubee, a 5-year-old, neutered, Domestic Short Hair said at a press conference held this afternoon. “This type of crime is sick, just sick, and we are looking at a serial killer now.”

The Smurfs whose bodies have been recovered, some with missing limbs and accessories, all were reported missing by their families earlier this year. Most were students or fast food workers who met their untimely ends at the hands of a brutal maniac.

“I live next door to the home where the bodies were discovered,” said Doris Cherry-Tart, a 9-year-old, spayed, Domestic Short Hair. “I knew something was going on in that house when I saw all them pizzas being delivered. Maybe he (or she) is keeping them alive before they kill them.”

These litterboxes are being held as evidence in the case

Doris Cherry-Tart said the owners of the home in question had rented it out some months back and they had never seen any pizzas delivered there before.

Workers, aided by cranes and backhoes, searched through the litterbox for more Smurf bodies, but found no more.

American Red Cross workers served hot coffee and apple fritters to rescue workers who took turns searching for more missing Smurfs. Meanwhile, members of one of the missing Smurf's family spent time inside the home receiving counseling, one official said.

Copyright Sharyn Thoma

7 comments: said...

You are crazy, and I love it! You need to write a book. I'll buy the first one.

sckcpaws said...

My Cats all have alibis!!!

Angel and Kirby said...

OH, NO! Please tell me Pappy Smurf and Smurfette Have not been murdered! My daughter will be devastated!

pughy said...

Brilliant as always.. Just how do you find these stories. Your imagination is just priceless.

Hugs GJ xx

Freya's Staff said...

The witness cat looks a bit shifty to me...

jimmy and carli said...

The smurfs in the litterbox ZOMG SO BAD@!!!!!!!!

The Meezers said...