Saturday, August 15, 2009

Marriage Proposal Severed After Cat Admits Star Wars Addiction

Edmonds, WA

A local cat is saddened today, for he had kept his secret hidden for a long while. It wasn’t until his fiancée requested a visit to his basement that all Hell broke loose.

Kandee Kane, a 4-year-old, Domestic Short Hair Tuxedo Cat, had successfully proposed to Serena Round-Rump, a 3-year-old, Siamese Mix, just six months before during a romantic fish dinner at Anthony’s Home Port.

They had met some two years before at a bookstore, where Serena Round-Rump was perusing Horse magazines. After a year of dating, the two decided to get married and planned on having kittens right away.

Serena said she was glad to have found out about his condition “sooner, rather than later…”

It turned out Kandee had been trying to ‘let go’ of his Star Wars addiction for years. Even the extremes of therapy and water-torture did not work for this young cat who was once openly obsessed with the way of the Jedi.

“So when you said I was your first, you really weren’t kidding, were you?” Serena asked Kandee, who hung his head and did not reply. Serena did admit she was happy to have found out about his habits “sooner, rather than later…”

“In terms of addiction, I was what you called ‘out.’” Kandee told the Gazette. “I went to comic conventions, had two Star Wars blogs, and inventoried my action figures and spaceships regularly.”

Kandee’s room is perfect for his collection of toys large and small

Kandee said everything changed when he met Serena and friends advised him to rid himself of the habit or risk losing the girl.

“I started seeing a therapist,” Kandee said. “I put all of my Star Wars stuff in the basement and locked the door. Whenever she came over and asked to go into the basement I just changed the subject and told her how pretty she looked.”

All of Kandee’s dreams were squashed when Serena tripped over a yard gnome while playing badminton and accidentally fell through the basement window (luckily landing on a specially made Star Wars Hoth-inspired beanbag chair, however).

What she saw shocked her. A massive collection of toys, stuffed to the highest spot on the wall. Star Wars merchandise and toys, everywhere. Everything from Wookie-jars, a life-size Stormtrooper, and specially printed Jedi toilet paper.

Longtime fan and friend Pooky is glad Kandee is no longer engaged

“I was horrified,” she said. “Horrified that he could have kept something of this scale from me. What was he thinking? All this time I’d asked him if he liked Star Trek or Star Wars and he kept reassuring me ‘no, no way, not me, I like lacrosse, and Ashton Kutcher movies.’”

“I tried to put it all aside, to put (Star Wars) in a genre and not let it control me,” said Kandee. “But how can you realistically shut out a side of who you really are for a girl?”

Kandee has since openly re-joined the Rebel Alliance Twitter page and sent in a renewal for the Star Wars Fan Club magazine for the first time since dating Serena. He also recently placed an order for a limited edition ‘Greedo is a Hater’ t-shirt which he is very excited about.

“I feel like my old self again,” he told the Gazette, proudly wearing his Darth Vader costume and smiling proudly. “I feel like she didn’t let me be who I really am so now I am going to take time for myself and catch up on all the Episode 2 Robot Chicken episodes that I missed.”

Copyright Sharyn Thoma
Photos: From AWESOME people who love Star Wars and Cats!


Anonymous said...

this fu%$ing RULES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

this fu%$ing RULES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

jimmy and carli said...


Kevin J. said...

Again, SPEECHLESS. Laughing, of course.

Melvin said...

By far THE best post, yet! STAR WARS FTW! YAY!

Freya's Staff said...

“So when you said I was your first, you really weren’t kidding, were you?” So many classic quotes, so little space!

Keiko and Luna T. Katt said...

WOOT! That's just pawsome

♥Da fambly cat-a-blog kitties♥ said...

Each and every time I come here to read I leave happy and smiling. Your talent is amazing!

Angel and Kirby said...

Were they going to live on the Death Star?

Zippy, Sadie and Speedy said...

Hahahahahahaha...I can't stand it it's sooooo funny...

Cory said...

Oh that silly girl doesn't know what she was missing...he could have had her outfitted in an amazing Princess Leia outfit... said...

Dumb cat girl. He is the SHIZZ!