Sunday, September 13, 2009

Bag Of Garbage Seen Wandering ‘Probably Homeless,’ Neighbors Say

Lynnwood, WA

Locals say a half-filled, black, Hefty Drawstring Garbage Bag seen prowling the 181st and 67th Avenue area this past week was most likely homeless.

The bag was spotted hiding near a tomato plant this past Monday and was last seen scurrying across the street on Friday night.

“We know he isn’t local,” said Max, a 12-year-old, neutered, Ginger Domestic Short Hair, who has lived in the area with his wife, Bianca, for the past 9 years. “Everyone around here uses cans, either metal or plastic, so a guy like that kinda...well, sticks out, you know what I mean?”

Max and his wife, Bianca saw the garbage bag

Cats who live in the small cul-de-sac have all reported things missing within the past week. Items like cigarette butts, a few empty cardboard boxes, and coffee grounds led them to believe a homeless garbage bag was trying to support itself in the area.

Sadly, reports say that while single, white male cats comprise 44 percent of the homeless, single, Tortoise Shell female cats 13 percent, and cats with kittens 36 percent, unaccompanied, black, plastic garbage bags account for 7 percent of the total.

“I hate to think of garbage bags begging for scraps,” continued Max. “In this day and age when we all have so much for ourselves, it pains me to know there are folks out there suffering right outside our doors.”

Margene saw the garbage bag through her kitchen window

“He scooted across the street fast. I felt really bad.“ said Max’s wife Bianca, a 9-year-old, Russian Blue, who saw the terrified bag last Wednesday. “He saw me and fled. A few dented, empty tuna cans clanked and fell out of him on his way up towards the next house.”

“At first I thought he was hooking up with Judy,” said neighbor cat Margene, a 13-year-old, spayed, Domestic Short Hair. “She got divorced a few months back and that’s just the sort of trash she’d hang out with.”

Margene said she first saw the garbage bag through the kitchen window while fixing waffles, saying he ‘ducked and tried to hide’ under a car, concealing himself from view. An anonymous neighbor later admitted that the bag told her it was looking for a place to sleep.

This Yard Waste can says he offered to help the lonely garbage bag

One particular 3-year-old, Plastic, Yard Waste Disposal Can said he saw the lonely garbage bag wandering around and offered to let him use his cell phone to call for help, but stated that the garbage bag admitted he had ‘no one’ to call.

A not so well-known fact about homelessness, 28 percent of homeless garbage bags said they sometimes or very often do not get enough to eat, compared with 15 percent of relatively-low income cats.

“It was garbage day on Thursday,” continued Margene. “I saw him hiding on the curb over near the plastic cans and recycle bins, trying to fit in. It was so sad, I hope he finds his way.”

Copyright Sharyn Thoma
Photos: Random


Anonymous said...

You are so insanely funny and creative.

I want to crawl up into your brain and hide there and see what you think.

Kevin J. said...

this part..

“At first I thought he was hooking up with Judy,” said neighbor cat Margene, a 13-year-old, spayed, Domestic Short Hair. “She got divorced a few months back and that’s just the sort of trash she’d hang out with.”

is classic Kitty City.

You are a gift to cat lovers! Your writing is a blessing. You make me smile! xoxo

Badness, Scrappy, Tucker said...

I wonder if we need to start a rescue society for homeless bag of garbage. It is such a tragedy.

jimmy and carli said...

agreed, that was posted whe i was just reading this.. my day isn't complete without the good natured laughs i can find here. please don't stop writing. whatever you do`

Anonymous said...


garbage, who knew?????

ML said...

Love this.

Tori said...

You have made me almost cry with sympathy for a garbage bag. How is this possible?!?

Anonymous said...

On my way to work this morning I saw a poor garbag bag by the side of the road with its guts open, nearly called the ambulance. I think the poor bag may have tried to commit suicide.

On this blog everything has a soul.

jmuhj said...

NO FAIR springing a pic of my ex on me like that on a CATurday afternoon.

Rochelle said...

This is just heartbreaking.