Friday, November 6, 2009

Local Cats Rally To Help Smurfs Evacuated From Toxic Mold-Infested Homes

Thorntown, IN

Hundreds of Smurfs are scared and homeless today after local and state authorities declared their homes "unsafe" and forced them to evacuate their entire neighborhood.

Police officers responding to a non-related incident arrived at a local Smurf neighborhood and discovered homes riddled with a “black, sticky, toxic, stinky, mold,” which was going apparently unnoticed by the Smurfs, authorities stated.

The Smurfs, who have been living for over 40 years inside mushrooms and other places where molds and fungi converge, said they were “unaware” of the dangers of such “toxic mold.”

Thorntown Librarian Tober was quick to pick up the phone and offer to help the displaced Smurfs

A Thorntown Fire and Rescue Service spokesperson said the area was cordoned off because of the possibility the mold might become airborne and spread to the homes of cats living nearby.

Relief agencies contacted by the refugee Smurfs all put them on hold, saying they had neither the funds nor the time to help relocate them. Thorntown police officers reportedly even laughed at the sad, blue people. Their calls to churches also went unanswered.

Luckily, one cat at the local library managed to rally dozens of others and help evacuate an area around 5 square feet in Thorntown, concerned the Smurfs’ heath was being compromised.

Papa Smurf said he feared leaving his home would only open it up for possible looting and burglarizing

“I realized I am very lucky,” said Tober, a 4-year-old, neutered, Domestic Short Hair who is currently Head Librarian at the Thorntown Public Library. “I had just bought a 3-bedroom home just outside of town…I called around and opened it up to (the Smurfs).”

Other cats quickly joined Tober’s example and gathered to help the displaced and now homeless Smurfs, over 200 in number. Determined to help Smurf families devastated by the mold, one local cat called every Indiana Smurf shelter in the phone book.

Tober, who had indeed just purchased a new home, promptly bought 12 evacuated Smurf families home with him and set up apartments for them in his spare bedrooms.

Friends said Tober was “relentless” in his efforts to help the Smurfs, angered at the failure of local government to help them

But don't try to tell Tober how generous he is. 'This isn't amazing, or heroic,“ he said. “You shouldn’t have to thank me. This is America and this is what we as Americans are supposed to do.”

“These Smurfs were looking at futures of living in shelters with no food, shoes, or apple fritters,“ Tober continued. “These Smurfs lost their homes right here in our country. It is our duty to help them. That is what 'We the People' is all about.”

The Internal Revenue Service is working to provide appropriate relief and assistance to the displaced Smurfs. If you are a Smurf victim of this toxic mold outbreak and need help with tax matters please contact the IRS.

Copyright Sharyn Thoma
Tober Photos: Thanks so much to Christine Sterle (and the REAL Tober) and her dedicated employees at the Thorntown Public Library
Mushroom Photo: By me!
Papa Smurf: Courtesy of himself


Anonymous said...

OH MY GAWD. I coulda used this this morning this is TOOOOO FUNNYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!

Julie said...



I loved the mushrooms so much!!!!!
Homeless smurfs! LOL!

Another great write, Sharyn!! LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (As always, I really needed that! Thank you!)

Julie O'

jimmy and carli said...

That's so funny, of course Theres mold, they live in mushrooms! Ha ha! I miss the Smurfs!!!!

New Yorker Fan said...

You're so funny because it's all so well written. Sometimes people just try to make up stupid things thinking that they are funny, but you actually pull it off by being funny and serious. Too cool! Marry me! You're so awesome!!!

C.C. Mann and Associates, Dallas, TX said...

I agree,

I think it would be so fun to actually see you make one up. Actually watch you conjure this stuff up all in your head.

It's obvious you write them all yourself, each story is so consistent and crazy. I'm 45, an investment banker, with 5 different people taking orders from me at all hours. Today, 2 clerks burst in on me in my office eating a snack and gasping for breath laughing at Kitty City.

What a laugh we all had!

Thanks to you-

C.C. Mann and Associates
Dallas, TX

Dennis the Vizsla said...

hello kitty city its dennis the vizsla dog hay perhaps this eksplayns why the smerfs that infested my blog a kuple of weeks ago behayvd so appallingly they probly had sum sort of residjooal mold poyzoning or sumthing!!! ok bye

kkkkkoolio~~ said...

Ha ha ha. Look at that! So funy. Toxic mold! And in mushrooms, too! Who'd guess?"

I teared up at Tober's "America" speech at the end, I really did. It got me RIGHT THERE!!!

Anonymous said...

toxic mold in "mushroom" house

THATs why them Smurfs were so happy!

Jan's Funny Farm said...

That's Tober, generous to a fault.

Loved the smurf story!

Ginger Jasper said...

Fabulous just magic once again you did a corker.. Hugs GJ xx

Kitties Times Six said...

JEEEEZZZZZ Youre nuts! Love it.

I CANT WAIT FOR THE NEXT ONE! This is like intermittent reinforcement in an experiment...

...gimme more Kitty City, PLEEEAASSSEEEE!

TMar and Carol Brushings, UK said...

You are gonna be famous some day. i swear it. I'm gonna send this site out as links everywhere! To everyone! You are way too funny to be hiding in plain sight-

TMar and Carol Brushings, UK

Palm Gardens, Florida Cat Ladies said...

Hi Kitty City!

We are all enjoying your writing as usual on Caturday here in Florida. AND, wondering what you might think up next so here's a challenge! You have an insane talent for creating stories off funny pictures, see if you can make a funny story off some words.

Make your next story include these words:

1. omnipresence
2. KitKat
3. M & Ms
4. handwriting
5. salt

GAME ON! If you can do it, you rule. But, you rule anyways! Can't wait to see if we dared you enough or not!

Fans in Palm Gardens, FL

Noll's Nip said...

Absolutely fabulous story!

Jeff said...

When I eat KitKats and M&Ms sprinkle with salt I feel omnipresence but my handwriting sucks!
Oh wait, I’m not Sharyn! Never mind.

You Rule!

Anonymous said...

Do it Sharyn! Please? Take the dare for a Sunday story maybe? You can do it! Although those are odd words but I'm guessing that's the point.

Anyhow- loved the smurf rescue. That's great. So patriotic too! You're brilliant. I miss you so much.

Elin said...

That's funny!! Poor smurf!!

Sharyn, I got a new cousin this weekend!

Cheyenne -Millie said...

Great story! You are a real patriot!!

Sparkles said...

Tober your story stands out as extrafunny! How courageous to help the Smurfs. You go kitty man. Purrs, Tankene

Cat of Nine Tales said...

Why this paper feels the need to inform the public of a kitty's particular sexual orientation (Neutered Male) and racial profile (Domestic Short-hair) is beyond me. Tober is an educated feline and a hero among Smurfs (my mother was a Smurf). He deserves better treatment from a right-winged newspaper like this one. Shame on you KCG!
;) ****Just one of those bizarre comments you find at the bottom of any online newspaper****

The Whiskeratti said...

Tober is a true hero! Stinky Goodness for Tober!