Wednesday, November 18, 2009
The California Energy Commission voted in favor of the Nation’s first energy efficiency regulations to regulate kittens and cats measuring up to 58 inches across sold in the state. The stricter rules were set in the hopes of saving wasted energy and take effect January 1, 2011.
The state senate moved today to crack down on the sale and maintenance of energy-gobbling overweight and obese cats that are now present in 30% of households.
After nearly two years of intense feeding and study, the California Energy Commission voted 5-0 to approve the nation's first efficiency regulations for cats measuring up to 58 inches or weighing in excess of 40 pounds sold in the state.
This cat, appropriately named Crusty, has the girth of a megaton warhead and eats 1,200 lbs. of food per meal
The new standards for cats, which take effect Jan. 1, 2011, are similar to those imposed on small children, dogs, and unemployed women in their 40’s since the 1970s. The tightened standards do not apply to any of the approximately 35 million kittens and cats currently in use.
"It looks like a super deal for us all," Commissioner Fairfax, a 4-year-old, neutered, Domestic Short Hair said after the vote. He also added that the new regulations would save consumers money, protect the environment, and reduce the need to build more canning plants to meet the already intense demand for food and tuna.
The new feeding restrictions will cover the increasingly popular “really, really fat cats,“ as well as the standard old-fashioned “lazy cats who sit on the sofa all day and sleep.”
A Human had to be used to hoist Hakeem from the floor of his home to demonstrate his girth
The average cat uses more than 37 times the food as a bulky Human, the energy commission says. Cats like Hakeem Wallace, a 5-year-old, neutered, Domestic Long Hair who weighs in at 44 pounds, would be subject to censure.
Cat food trade groups sought to fight the ban, calling it “an unneeded interference within a free market that is naturally evolving toward feeding cats more and making them fatter.”
Some predict that a statewide ban on the sale and trade of really big fat cats could potentially alienate about a quarter of all cats currently available for adoption at shelters, making them “really sad and therefore more prone to overeat things like apple fritters that got them (into that) position in the first place.”
This cat, Fiona, a former ballet dancer, exceeds the new “energy-efficient” standards by an untold number of pounds
“Moving towards having more energy-efficient cats would eliminate the need to build at least ten large, gas-fired electric power plants to warm and cool the homes in which they live to their desired temperatures,” said the commission.
"Increased efficiency is the most cost-effective way of meeting our renewable energy goals, and those real big and fat cats really gobble up a lot of sustainable energy," said the energy commission Chairman.
Copyright Sharyn Thoma
Hakeem Wallace Photo: Thanks to Deb and Gordon
Crusty Photo: Jayden A.
Posted by The Kitty City Gazette at 2:55 PM