Wednesday, November 18, 2009

New California Law Cracks Down On Sale Of Energy-Gobbling Cats


Seattle, WA

The California Energy Commission voted in favor of the Nation’s first energy efficiency regulations to regulate kittens and cats measuring up to 58 inches across sold in the state. The stricter rules were set in the hopes of saving wasted energy and take effect January 1, 2011.

The state senate moved today to crack down on the sale and maintenance of energy-gobbling overweight and obese cats that are now present in 30% of households.

After nearly two years of intense feeding and study, the California Energy Commission voted 5-0 to approve the nation's first efficiency regulations for cats measuring up to 58 inches or weighing in excess of 40 pounds sold in the state.


This cat, appropriately named Crusty, has the girth of a megaton warhead and eats 1,200 lbs. of food per meal

The new standards for cats, which take effect Jan. 1, 2011, are similar to those imposed on small children, dogs, and unemployed women in their 40’s since the 1970s. The tightened standards do not apply to any of the approximately 35 million kittens and cats currently in use.

"It looks like a super deal for us all," Commissioner Fairfax, a 4-year-old, neutered, Domestic Short Hair said after the vote. He also added that the new regulations would save consumers money, protect the environment, and reduce the need to build more canning plants to meet the already intense demand for food and tuna.

The new feeding restrictions will cover the increasingly popular “really, really fat cats,“ as well as the standard old-fashioned “lazy cats who sit on the sofa all day and sleep.”


A Human had to be used to hoist Hakeem from the floor of his home to demonstrate his girth

The average cat uses more than 37 times the food as a bulky Human, the energy commission says. Cats like Hakeem Wallace, a 5-year-old, neutered, Domestic Long Hair who weighs in at 44 pounds, would be subject to censure.

Cat food trade groups sought to fight the ban, calling it “an unneeded interference within a free market that is naturally evolving toward feeding cats more and making them fatter.”

Some predict that a statewide ban on the sale and trade of really big fat cats could potentially alienate about a quarter of all cats currently available for adoption at shelters, making them “really sad and therefore more prone to overeat things like apple fritters that got them (into that) position in the first place.”


This cat, Fiona, a former ballet dancer, exceeds the new “energy-efficient” standards by an untold number of pounds

“Moving towards having more energy-efficient cats would eliminate the need to build at least ten large, gas-fired electric power plants to warm and cool the homes in which they live to their desired temperatures,” said the commission.

"Increased efficiency is the most cost-effective way of meeting our renewable energy goals, and those real big and fat cats really gobble up a lot of sustainable energy," said the energy commission Chairman.

Copyright Sharyn Thoma
Hakeem Wallace Photo: Thanks to Deb and Gordon
Crusty Photo: Jayden A.

20 comments:

Anonymous said...

OH GAWD KILL ME NOW!

That's so funny. I just got done reading about the LCD thing in the paper!

AWESOME!

Corinne Crammer said...

I feel so much better after seeing these photos -- I thought my cats looked liked candidates for a cat version of The Biggest Loser until I saw these other cats. Atticus and Pandora will be greatly cheered at seeing that they're not the fattest cats ever, although Pandora is often mistaken for a bowling ball, and Atticus is increasingly challenged when jumping onto the bed for his hourly nap.

The Crew said...

This is clear case of discrimination against cats who enjoy food!!

jimmy and carli said...

Ha ha ga ha ha! Here here big kitty! That's great. 58"!!!!! Love it.

Khyra The Siberian Husky And Sometimes Her Mom said...

Thank dog I've just eaten...

I'm hungry again!

Hugz&Khysses,
Khyra

Glogirly and Katie said...

Hakeem's mom is my occasional cat sitter. You can see why I'm more than a little scared that one of these days she'll show up with him.

-Katie
(9 pounds and terrified that I probably taste like chicken)

Princess and the Meow Kitties said...

Pookie is glad to read this article...his girth is only 22 inches! So he has nothing to worry about, right???? Isn't that right????

Family kibble said...

Omg! Like the LCD tvs right!?!?!? Funny!

Victor Tabbycat said...

MOL! Dis is like Mom's werk stuff. Youtilities is tryin all kinds a diffrint energy efficiency (EE) programs but SoCal Edison jist reported dat a program dat werked at first wasn't susususustainable.

All I noes is, Mom better not cut back on MY Temptations!
~ Victor
PS while house-hunting, we failed to see a cat until one of the throw pillows on the couch waddled away!

Julie said...

I . . . I don't know what to say . . .

Inigo Flufflebum and d'Artagnan Rumblepurr said...

But they're still pretty darn cute...

Jeff said...

big cuddly kittys

Ginger Jasper said...

Oh my goodness me and mum thought I was big.. Those are huge but made for a brilliant story.. MOL. xx

Cat of Nine Tales said...

Holy Cannoli! Them are some YUGE cats!
~Lisa Co9T

kittens for sale said...

Oh God. My friend found it cute. One of my friend said it reminds him the movie Stuart little and I personally felt it was scary kitty...:-)

Thecatsman said...

Such blatent and obvious discrimination against fat cats and the humans that serve them....

Ro said...

So these cats have learned to open the cans and bags without help? They have thumbs?

Rochelle said...

So these cats have learned to open their own cans and bags? They have thumbs?

Anonymous said...

OMG this is disgusting, you as the cat owners have a responsibility to look after the cat, that also means their health. you are feeding your cats into an early grave and before that a life of pain from aching stiff joints and possible daily injections for diabetes. You all seem so proud of your poor over weight cats, even the comment leavers. none of you who do this to these poor vulnerable cats should be allowed to keep animals, you clearly do not know how to look after them!!!

Anonymous said...

Someone always has to spoil the party. i am referring to the preceding comment. Yes, try to slim down your porker cats, folks, but in the meantime, those pix are screamers!