Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Local Teddy Bear Files For Separation From Once-Beloved Cat


Edmonds, WA

A local Teddy Bear has filed for legal separation in the Snohomish County Courthouse from the cat he has been sleeping with since 2007, court papers show. The cat, Darryl, is a 5-year-old, neutered, Russian Blue.

In papers filed yesterday, Honey, a 4-year-old, stuffed, Teddy Bear made from 100% polyester fibers, cited irreconcilable differences for the break in their 3-year affair and is seeking sole custody of their favorite pillow, with weekend visitation for Darryl.

Honey is also asking for an unspecified amount of money for pillow support, including new pillowcases and liners. She said she will eventually seek a divorce.


Honey found Darryl had profiles on Facebook and myspace.com where he was listed as ‘single’ and 'smart'

It is the second split for the pair. Honey threatened to file for divorce in 2008 after she caught Darryl having a fling with a purple Care Bear Cousin named Eloise he’d met at a Target store.

The two later reconciled after a bitter dispute over whether or not he was hiding candy from her. There is no prenuptial agreement in place.

It has since been discovered that Darryl had been leading a secret double life on the internet, where he had social networking accounts at Facebook and myspace.com and portrayed himself as ‘single’ and ‘a player’ as far back as 2007.


Darryl used this sexy self-portrait as his profile picture on Facebook, where he could search for other stuffed animals

Friends of the couple have said they “knew” this was coming and that in recent times the relationship between the two looked “…strained and deliberate.”

Honey said she once loved Darryl, but had it with his “wandering eye.” She caught him multiple times surfing online at sites like toysrus.com and faoschwartz.com staring at fluffy, brightly-colored stuffed animals.

“It made me sick, just sick,” she admitted. “A neighbor of ours told me once they saw him at the Build-A-Bear store at the mall…all I could think was that he was going to build himself the perfect girlfriend. I lost a button over that one.”


Eloise, who admitted an affair with Darryl, said she knew (the couple) wouldn’t last

Despite their disagreements about other animals, Honey says she tried to talk and reason with Darryl on many occasions but instead he rudely told her to “get stuffed.”

Honey was dying to know where Darryl went all day while she stayed home in bed waiting for him to return. “‘Is he off drinking with the guys or is there some calico in his lap?’ That’s all I could think about,” she said.

“I knew he was seeing someone when he stopped sleeping with me at night,” sobbed Honey. “He is a child, that cat, he can’t sleep at night without a teddy bear or he’ll wet the bed. Believe me, if it isn’t me, there’s someone.”


Copyright Sharyn Thoma
Photos By Me!

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

HAHAHAHAHA

I know you took those pictures!!!!

You are awesome.

Harry Spotter said...

This situation sounds serious. maybe they can work it out.

Khyra The Siberian Husky And Sometimes Her Mom said...

Another one that made my mom get THAT look on her face!

Hugz&Khysses,
Khyra

One Cats Nip said...

ohemgee

Kevin J. said...

"I lost a few buttons on that one."

ha!

So did I!

Jackie said...

Jay and Conan need your humour!

Cheers!

jimmy and carli said...

hee heee!

Look at what Care Bears eat. A dinner of Swedish Fish and Hot tamamles!

Egads!

Ginger Jasper said...

Mum is still laughing at these.. Brilliant.. HUgs GJ x

Angel and Kirby said...

Thanks for the laugh! I really needed one today.

invisiliz said...

Poor Honey. I know a "tomcat" like him. Breaks your heart. And she looks like such a sweet, lovable bear.

Rene said...

Online dating sites should really limit cats' access, especially uploading such seductive photos, LOL!

Anonymous said...

Tee Hee!

Me loves Kitty City!!!

Freya's Staff said...

I'm behind Darryl, ever since I discovered Honey uses an Apple Mac!