Monday, March 15, 2010

Store Employees Were Threatened Over Lack Of Peanut Butter, Feds Say


Edmonds, WA

Threats against Edmonds QFC workers and the store they work in continue to pour in after they ran out of Skippy Reduced Fat Extra Crunchy Peanut Butter last week, according to the FBI.

Cats are up in arms and are threatening physical and legal action if depleted store shelves are not restocked sometime soon.

FBI watchdogs are investigating more than 75 instances of inappropriate comments made to stock boys, grocery clerks, and deli workers by cats, officials said this week.


What was once a fully stocked Skippy rack has now become depleted as more and more cats horde the popular low-fat variety

Workers have received a mix of inappropriate verbal comments including jokes, teasing, and even spankings, according to reports.

Local government and state officials said a lack of low-fat peanut butter, whether crunchy or creamy, could spark wars and worry about the social and environmental impact on communities.

The FBI said important non-renewable resources such as low-fat peanut butter have become so vital to the safety and security of the nation that small ponds and some larger lakes are being drained to become reservoirs in which to store it.


“Wars have been won and lost over peanut butter,” said Shimmy, an FBI spokesperson

"Fresh jars of low-fat peanut butter, especially Skippy extra crunchy, is in short supply in many countries, even today," said the Federal Government.

The FBI said they learned of the threats from the TSA, which tracks threats against grocery workers who commute by car or bicycle.

Neither that agency nor the FBI would confirm the number of threats or share details of the probe.


The Federal Government has plans to drain Lake Stevens and convert it to become a vast peanut butter reservoir

“The Bureau is actively and aggressively investigating all threats made against QFC employees, infrastructure, and property,’’ said Shimmy, a 9-year-old, neutered, Domestic Short Hair. His office has instructed workers to report threats immediately.

Attacks and threats against Safeway deli workers are nothing new. Last summer, eight QFC deli workers were tazered by cats angered over the discontinuation of their favorite cole slaw.

In the past, cats have rammed cars into the front of the deli as well as set them on fire. Some cats reportedly took out hits on bakery employees just last December after apple fritters were made unavailable after 5:00 p.m. PST.

Copyright Sharyn Thoma
I love peanut butter

9 comments:

The Meezers and Billy said...

oh noes- we will run right out and horde some ourselfs. and then sell it on e-bay

Jessie said...

I'm gonna load up my bathtub. I'm scared!

Rene said...

Love that first photo. The kitty looks so contemplative, thinking about how to horde the peanut butter.

The OP Pack said...

The pups here all love pb too as well as the humans. We would be lost without our daily fix. We think we will have to start using our crates to stock up.

Woos - Phantom, Thunder, and Ciara

Ginger Jasper said...

If there is going to be a shortage better get a good stock in.. Brilliant story again.. Hugs GJ xx

Pickles said...

unning out of PB is a serious thing - tho I eat whatever;s on sale :-/

Anonymous said...

im sorry but....


"..whether crunchy or creamy, could spark wars and worry about the social and environmental impact on communities.

The FBI said important non-renewable resources such as low-fat peanut butter have become so vital to the safety and security of the nation that small ponds and some larger lakes are being drained to become reservoirs in which to store it."

ZOMG ZOMG ZOMG ZOMG

Elaine said...

Both of those photos are priceless......and the story, great, just love it !!!!!

WATERBABY CHRISTINE said...

It appears Shimmy has a chin piercing. Awesome! Didn't know the Feds allowed that.