Sunday, May 2, 2010

Massive Peanut Butter Slick Threatens Lives, Fritters, At Local Safeway

Lynnwood, WA

Rescuers in helicopters and boats searched the Lynnwood Safeway for 2 missing cats Saturday after a thunderous explosion rocked aisle 7 and lit up the store with shards of glass. Seven cats were injured, four critically.

Witnesses said an unidentified orange kitten, who is now missing, was looking intently at the nutrition information label on the back of a jar of Adam’s Crunchy Peanut Butter when it slipped from his hand and hit the linoleum floor, exploding.

After the explosion, a massive chunky peanut butter slick formed and is still spreading throughout the cereal and snack-goods aisle, endangering lives and the environment.

Peanut butter slicks, such as this one from a 2006 incident, can travel at speeds of up to .1 miles per hour

The blast could prove to be one of the nation's deadliest peanut butter accidents of the past half-century.

Police at the scene feared the young kitten was overtaken by the massive peanut butter surge.

Peanut butter, considered an invaluable national resource, is a high-viscosity material and is said to travel at the alarming rate of .1 miles per hour per day.

One witness said he escaped only after grabbing onto packages of Hostess Chocolate Covered Donettes, eating a couple, then using the packages as a makeshift buoy.

Brave Snafu made it out alive with the help of some Hostess Donettes

"I could not see anything,” said Snafu, a 5-year-old Domestic Short Hair Calico. “Someone was calling to me, guiding me out towards the cash registers. He just kept on saying 'Come this way, come that way.' He saved (my) life.”

2 stock boys are still missing. The Coast Guard said they hold out hope that the missing cats escaped in one of Safeway’s lifeboats or are hiding in the Deli.

The manager of the Safeway, Itty Bitty, a 9-year-old, neutered Domestic Short Hair, said authorities and aid workers are hard at work studying wind patterns and currents driving the peanut butter slick, in the hopes of stopping it.

Snafu used these Donettes as makeshift buoys and made it out alive

Itty Bitty said aisles 8 and 9 and possibly the Bakery, where many Apple Fritters live, are probably the extent of the threatened area, though no one really knows what the effects will be.

"Trying to move the fritters would be totally speculative," Itty Bitty said. "You wouldn't know where to move a fritter, they might get eaten. You might be moving a fritter to a place that's even worse."

The spill also threatens various Little Debbie snack cakes on an end-cap on the eastern side of the aisles. Authorities say only time will tell how far this disaster spreads.

Copyright Sharyn Thoma


Jimmy and catelin said...

OMG. Peanut butter, aplle fritters and cats all in one story?????

It's the Kitty City Trifecta!

Great one. I'm hungry.

Cat Mandu said...

Do they need some of us to come help lick up the damage?
Cat Mandu

Angel and Kirby said...

Are they using feminine products to make dams around the slick?

Rene said...

Thank God for the donettes or some would not have survived!