Wednesday, August 25, 2010

72 Jars Of Peanut Butter Found Dead In Edmonds Home

Edmonds, WA

Edmonds SWAT discovered 72 empty jars of peanut butter outside a home located in the Main Street neighborhood, police reports said.

More than 12 of the jars were broken and most showed defensive wounds.

“Their labels were clearly torn off,“ said Roberto, a 4-year-old, neutered Domestic Short Hair at the grisly scene. “It is a clear sign (that) a struggle ensued.”

Edmonds police were tipped off about the gruesome, makeshift burial ground after a cat who was suffering from a gunshot wound came to them seeking help.

Forensic investigators said this jar was trying to get a “last drink of water” before succumbing to injuries

The unnamed cat told police a “peanut butter-eating gang” had teased him and shot him with a Red Ryder BB gun, according to a statement. The witness led police to the scene of the teasing while SWAT and forensic units were notified.

SWAT units found 58 empty, licked clean jars of chunky and 14 jars of creamy peanut butter at the scene along with an untold number of spent copper BBs and plastic forks with peanut butter residue still visible on the tines.

Edmonds police called it one of the largest discoveries of peanut butter crime in Edmonds’ 4-year-old war on gang-related incidents.

Neighbors said “Smokey and the Bandit” had lived at the scene since 2005

"We sent SWAT into the (area) where the cat had been shot,” said a 5-year-old, spayed Tortoise Shell SWAT team member. The cat, who was not authorized to speak to the press, declined to give her name.

During the search of the home SWAT teams found a cache of weapons, camouflage uniforms, plastic forks, empty toilet paper rolls and a red and white Cat-In-The-Hat outfit with pom-pom ears, the statement said.

Neighbors said two cats known as “Smokey and the Bandit” had been living together in the home since 2005, but their whereabouts are unknown.

“They may have been trying to escape when they were killed,” police said of the empty jars

Edmonds officials put out a statement condemning the barbaric acts committed and reaffirmed its commitment to the rule of law on protecting endangered peanut butter resources.

“Society must condemn and persecute acts against peanut butter,” an official said.

A statement released today advised cats to be on alert and report any suspicious peanut butter eating to their local precincts in the hope of catching the suspects.

Copyright The Kitty City Gazette


Anonymous said...

I LOVE LOVE your peanut butter stories!!! They are in a class by themselves.

Kat's Kats said...

mmmmmmm peanut butter! cruuuuunchy peanut butter!!

EUTERPE said...

Alas peanut butter jars I knew them so well.