Saturday, August 14, 2010

Mosquitoes Carrying Fashionable Handbags Found In Washington State

Seattle, WA

For the first time this summer, mosquitoes carrying high-end purses have been discovered, public health authorities reported yesterday.

The insects, who were previously thought to not be able to afford such high quality handbags, were seen shopping in a Queen Anne neighborhood.

The sightings indicate what economists have been hoping for, an upsurge in mosquito employment and a reduction in weekly mosquito unemployment claims.

“We’re always concerned when we hear about mosquitoes carrying anything,“ said Chunk

“With the hot summer weather finally here there is so much work to be had,” said Bianca, a 4-week-old Mosquito. “I got a great job at Luther Burbank Park biting swimmers.”

Bianca said she used to lay her eggs in puddles or lakes, but now can afford to lay them in a ceramic tiled swimming pool in her own backyard and said she has the extra money to buy fancy purses for the first time since the recession hit.

“We’re always concerned when we hear about mosquitoes carrying anything,“ said Chunk, a 9-year-old, neutered Domestic Short Hair, who is the director of communicable diseases at the Seattle Public Health Department.

Bianca said she’d previously never been able to afford a Prada handbag

In June the city had placed pesticide in catch basins and sprayed large suburban areas to control mosquitoes and as a result many mosquitoes lost their jobs since they were unable to report to work.

The spraying resulted in an 80% reduction in the mosquito workforce and created hard times for many mosquito families, some of whom were forced to go on the state WIC program to feed their larvae.

There are about 35,000 mosquito families living in the greater Seattle area. In some families, females work day shifts biting animals while the males care for pupa and later work the night shift biting hillbillies.

Pesticide use in parks reduced the number of humans found at any given time, which resulted in many mosquitoes being unfairly layed off

“My neighbor’s husband lost his job biting campers in June,” said Jenny, a 6-week-old Mosquito. “He got addicted to lollipops and just sat around on the sofa all day doing nothing.”

With mosquito spending up and unemployment claims down, the future is finally looking bright again for middle-class mosquitoes.

Copyright The Kitty City Gazette


Betty's Ford said...

Mosquito WIC!!!!!!! What next. LOL.

Ginger Jasper said...

Oh my the mind boggles.. You rock girl.. HUgs GJ xx

Anonymous said...

This made me pee a little in my pants. Now I a m going to be late for my appointment, thanks!!