Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Peanut Butter Addiction Claims Yet Another Young Life


Seattle, WA

The life of a talented young cat has sadly come to an end today after being discovered dead in his bedroom from an apparent overdose of peanut butter.

Sammy, a 9-year-old, neutered, Domestic Short Hair, started out his career as a computer programmer working at Amazon.com.

Family and friends said the long hours he worked there led to his addiction and subsequent abuse of peanut butter.


Peanut butter can be highly addictive and is considered a Class 3 narcotic

“He used to work two or three hour days,” said wife Gumball, also a 9-year-old, spayed, Domestic Short Hair. “Those are long hours. I know that was when he started using.”

Friends at work said he began to use peanut butter after most people were starting to go home for the night. “He’d pop a big spoonful of it in his mouth,” said one friend, “It made him able to work another four to six hours no problem. He’d just freak out and get really happy and hyper.”

Years went by and Sammy rose from within the company to greater and greater positions of authority as his tolerance for peanut butter grew.


Wife Gumball was unaware of the totality of the addiction

“He started to get to a point where he needed more (peanut butter) to achieve the same ‘high.’” Gumball said. “I found empty peanut butter jars stashed everywhere around the house, I never realized what was going on until it was too late.”

Gumball stated that she began to find receipt after receipt from stores in a ten mile radius all from peanut butter purchases.

Reports said he would go to one store to get a few jars and when that store would not give him more, he ‘doctor-shopped’ for peanut butter at other grocery locations.


An empty jar of peanut butter was found on the floor near the body

“When I questioned him about it he grew angry, violent, even,” she continued. “The (peanut butter) had made him into a cocky person I was no longer familiar with.”

She reportedly found over 32 jars in her home alone. Peanut butter ranging from Adam’s, Skippy Super Chunk, and Peter Pan to high-end varieties like Peanut Butter & Company.

Gumball stated she found her husband passed out in their bedroom this morning and decided to let him sleep it off. All the time unaware that he had passed away due to an overdose of Skippy Honey Roasted Super Chunk.

If you or someone you know has a problem with peanut butter, please contact Peanut Butter Eaters Anonymous. The life you save could be your own.

Copyright The Kitty City Gazette

6 comments:

MyCatsRule said...

I need the number for PBEA - I think my dad may have a problem. My thoughts are with you, Gumball.

The Kool~Kittie~Krew said...

King one time got his head stuck in a PB jar!!!

Anonymous said...

I thought I had my peanut butter problem under control, then I found a dealer who sells small batches of high end artisan 'hickory smoked' peanut butter, and now I cant stop... I think I better contact the PBEA...

Anonymous said...

Gumball looks so sad. She should sue Amazon for overworking their cat employees - over an hour's work is just inhumane.

Nikita Cat said...

The poor dear was probably doing weird sex, and listening to Rock & Roll, in addition to doing this drug.

How sad....

BTW, happy birthday! ;-D

Erin Deighan said...

I may share this addiction... Sammy is a wake-up call!