Friday, March 4, 2011

Creeping Ivy Acquitted Of Double Tree Murder

Edmonds, WA

A clump of ground-creeping ivy accused of murdering 2 trees was acquitted today in Snohomish County Court on grounds of insanity.

In early 2008 the ivy, a 15-year-old clump of English Ivy named Harry, was dug up and charged with strangling to death 79-year-old Harold and 89-year-old James, both Douglas Firs, at a park in Edmonds.

The court heard testimonies from over 20 stray cats, prosecution witnesses who live in and around the park and were present on the day of the murders.

“James was my favorite tree (to pee on),” said witness Gatsby

Prosecutors described for the jury the tendency of ivy to be aggressive and destructive to trees and walls, pointing out Harry had been “opportunistic and aggressive with malice aforethought” in his attack on his victims and asked for a verdict of guilty of murder in the second degree murder and a life sentence.

Botanists for the defense pointed out there is no direct evidence ivy is specifically dangerous when growing on trees of any kind, but admitted the situation can become dangerous if there is competition for resources.

Witness Gatsby, a 2-year-old, neutered Domestic Short Hair stated the trees and ivy had been fighting over territorial rights for years and that this incident “had been a long time coming.”

Witness Gareth, who is a Concolor Fir, once lived at the park where the murders occurred

Psychiatrists for the defense claimed the crime was an “accident” which occurred because Harry’s innate behavior created a parasitic need for soil nutrients and water.

With his ability to reason flawed, they argued, he was not of sound mind when the deaths occurred. Harry thus lacked the mental capacity at that moment to realize what he was doing was morally wrong.

Doctors recommended hospitalization and a plea of not guilty by reason of insanity. They argued the defendant should be contained in a small, secure area to prevent the compulsion to re-offend.

Judge Raven of Edmonds said he was relieved the case was fainally over

After a grueling 72-hour session the jury returned a unanimous verdict of not guilty by reason of insanity.

Harry was later removed from the Snohomish County Jail and sent to Wight’s Nursery for hospitalization, pruning, and psychiatric treatment.

Copyright The Kitty City Gazette


Ginger Jasper said...

Oh my cat you sure are back and how, Amother brilliant story today. Keep them coming.. Hugs GJ xx

Angel and Kirby said...

We feel so sorry for Harold and James friends!

Cat Mandu said...

You have to watch those ivys--"give 'em an inch, and they'll take a mile"! We had to put down someone called Bittersweet once.

Rochelle said...

Where has Harold been since 2008?

Cassy said...

I love reading your story. The cats look so cute.

Cassy from Beginner Guitar Chords

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