Sunday, January 31, 2010

Fight With Coffee Pot Ends Badly For Local Cat


Lynnwood, WA

One cat was scalded and an entire bag of coffee beans were killed when a scuffle with a Coffee Pot went bad in a local home.

Hank, a 5-year-old, neutered, American Tabby Cat, said he had jumped up on the kitchen counter top to spray and mark his favorite corner when a Coffee Pot saw him and tried to stop him.

The Pot, a 6-year-old, red, Kitchen Aid, 12-cup, Programmable Coffee Maker, was also injured.


This Red Kitchen Aid Coffee Pot said he was just trying not to spill the beans

Hank said he felt “something snake” around his leg and realized the sneaky Coffee Pot had snagged him with its double-strength insulated cord in an attempt to topple him off the counter top.

Panic-stricken, Hank sprayed what little area he could and then in attempt to prevent himself from falling, thrashed about on all four legs, accidentally knocking over a bag of Seattle Mountain Costa Rican brand coffee beans.

“I didn’t mean to do it,” Hank told Lynnwood Police. “It was an accident. I was just trying to protect myself from the (Coffee Pot).”


Witnesses saw the accident but were afraid to intervene

In reports from the investigation police are officially calling the coffee bean deaths “collateral damage” and ruling it an “accident.”

Witnesses at the scene said when the bag of beans fell off the counter, the Coffee Pot “just panicked” and tried to save the beans.

The Coffee Pot bravely broke free of its cord, which was attached to the wall at the time, and lurched out in an attempt to grab the bag.


All of these beans lost their lives in the scuffle

Sadly, the Coffee Pot fell off its perch and fell to the floor, sustaining injuries to the water warmer and to the glass. All injuries were small and treated at a local appliance repair shop.

Hank sprained his neck and was scalded with coffee as a result of the Pot’s attempt to save the beans, but says he understands, and that his hair will eventually grow back.

The Coffee Pot has since filed a Workers’ Compensation claim stating he was injured in the line of duty.

Sharyn Thoma-Guay reporter-at-large

Local Bats Angered At Racial Slur

Forks, WA An attorney defending three local kittens in a robbery case apologized yesterday for saying his clients' behavior regarding...