Sunday, February 28, 2010

Gay Cat Couple Denied Family Discount At Pizza Hut

Mukilteo, WA

A same-sex cat couple in Mukilteo are up in arms over a restaurant’s decision to deny them a family discount after ordering and eating sixteen Canadian bacon and pepperoni pizzas.

The cats stated they believe the restaurant would not honor the “family night two-for-one” coupons because they are a “gay couple” and were discriminated against.

Gabe and his partner Bradley, both 10-year-old Domestic Short Hairs both live in Mukilteo. Gabe, who favors high heels and pink colored drinks, is a professional ballroom dancer. Bradley is an occupational therapist at Harborview Hospital in Seattle.

The couple were fans of this Pizza Hut restaurant, particularly favoring the “Hawaiian” pizza

The two met on a gay singles cruise some years ago and have both said it was love at first sight. They have been together ever since.

The couple is also raising Bradley’s 4-year-old son, Bimbo, a kitten from a previous relationship.

The manager of the Pizza Hut, a 3-year-old Chihuahua named Mango, said he did not give them the discount “not because they were gay, but because they were hillbillies.” He further stated that he did not like hillbillies “…at all.”

Notoriously cheap and scary, hillbillies “usually leave bad tips and smell like Velveeta cheese” said Pizza Hut worker Mango

"We are not technically married, no. But we are a family," Gabe said. "We are customers and should be able to use family coupons as well as anyone else."

Without the family discount, the couple had to pay an extra $84.00 and were forced to leave a much larger tip.

“We should have only been charged for eight pizzas, not sixteen,” said Bradley. “The bill came and the coupon was not reflected in the total.”

Mango said he feared the poor tip the hillbillies would leave him if the bill was less

Bradley said had they known their coupon would be rejected, they would have ordered only six or seven pizzas, not sixteen, and possibly ordered fewer toppings as well.

When asked for an interview by the Gazette, Pizza Hut would not comment and directed us to contact Pizza Hut’s corporate offices.

Mango later apologized and said his fear of hillbillies stemmed from a childhood event in which a group of hillbillies tied him up and threw him into an alligator pond, leaving him for dead.

Copyright Sharyn Thoma
Mango Photo: Thanks to Jackie

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Easter Bunny Car Accident Involved Malted Milk Eggs, Police Say

Lynnwood, WA

Lynnwood police are investigating a two-car crash that involved a local cat and the Easter Bunny, who police say was under the influence of malted milk eggs at the time.

Reports state the Easter Bunny was stopped at a stop sign on 181st Street, signaling a left-hand turn onto 64th Avenue. Witnesses said his Giant Egg Car suddenly “lurched forward, slamming into an oncoming BMW.”

The driver of the BMW, a 3-year-old, neutered, Blue Cream Scottish Fold named Fritz, was flown to Harborview Hospital and is in satisfactory condition.

“I can’t believe the Easter Bunny does drugs” said Fritz

The Easter Bunny, who was in town doing Easter-prep work, had a small laceration on one ear, but declined a medical examination and denied being under the influence of alcohol or drugs.

Officers searched the Easter Bunny but did not find anything on him. They later searched his Giant Egg Car after being given permission.

He was later arrested when police found a music CD with lines of finely cut malted milk powder, a razor blade, a rolled up dollar bill, and a bag of malted milk eggs in a Wal-Mart bag on the passenger seat of the car.

“This is a sad day for the children…” said a Lynwood police officer, “…they look up to him”

“He’d definitely been snorting them,” an officer said. “He was walking around in a panic, sweaty, his eyes were pin points…and he was talking non-stop.”

Sadly, the Easter Bunny was arrested last year in March after being caught snorting lines of malted milk eggs in a bathroom stall at a Fred Meyer photoshoot. He was released and given 2 years probation. No word yet on what charges this arrest will bring or how it will affect Easter.

Driving under the influence of malted milk eggs is a serious crime in Washington State. According to the Revised Code of Washington Section 46.61.502*, driving under the influence is when "a person is guilty of driving a motor vehicle on a road while under the influence of malted milk eggs, candy coated or otherwise."

Damage to young Fritz's new vehicle was extensive

A new addendum to the law passed last year makes it also illegal to drive under the influence of Marshmallow Peeps, solid milk chocolate rabbits (hollow or otherwise), and Cadbury Crème Eggs.

Copyright Sharyn Thoma
Egg Crack Photo By Me!
Fritz Photo: Thanks to jackie

Monday, February 22, 2010

Brother -Sister Cat Couple Denied Marriage License, “It’s Immoral” State Says

Seattle, WA

“It was love at first sight,” say Lucy and Sherman, both 2-year-old Domestic Short Hairs of when they met, and they have lived together as a loving couple ever since.

There is, however, one difference that sets Lucy and Sherman apart. They are brother and sister, which raised eyebrows and earned them a vehement “no” from the State of Washington when they applied for a marriage license today.

The magistrate reportedly told them their coupling was “immoral,” and that they “needed psychological counseling.”

Mom Tiger has since admitted to “heavy drinking and smoking” while pregnant with the kittens

Lucy and Sherman were born only minutes apart, along with five other kittens from a single mother who became pregnant by a cat she met at an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting some years before.

They know they are breaking a social norm, and said they understand why cats might call it incestuous. "We are related," Lucy said. "We're not going to deny that, but who hasn't licked their brother, really?"

Lucy and Sherman insist they are just like any other couple. "I'm a normal male," Sherman said. "I'm into string, I fish, I do everything others do. I'm a normal cat."

Lucy said “It's kinda like kissing myself”

Lucy said they work, catch dinner, watch TV, and cuddle just like other cats. Just like other couples, they have an intimate relationship as well.

Unlike everyone else, they believe their mutual attraction is heightened by their genetic similarities. "It's kinda like kissing myself," Lucy said. “We have so much in common. Our mom taught us unconditional love and that is what we practice.”

Their mother, Tiger, a 4-year-old Domestic Short Hair who works at Wal-Mart admitted, “I drank heavily, took pills, and smoked when I was pregnant with (the kittens), I’m not surprised they are messed up.”

Mom Tiger admitted “I still drink a lot…”

Despite all the love they have for each other, Lucy and Sherman will never marry. No state in the U.S. allows littermates to legally wed. The couple say they plan to lobby congress to get the laws changed and that this is just their “first step.”

"I have two different sets of friends that are together," Lucy says, referring to other littermate couples. "Their children have no fur and are cross-eyed, but are otherwise perfectly normal."

Copyright Sharyn Thoma
Photos Courtesy of Beverly Thie