Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Cat Attacked By ‘Ugly, Little, Plastic Man’ In Stable Condition

Port Townsend, WA

Police officers are searching for a 5-year-old, male, 12” G.I. Joe Action Figure involved in an attack on a local cat Tuesday night.

A cat living in the Front Street area on the east side of Port Townsend was viciously attacked in his home by the Action Figure while attempting to get a snack from the pantry, according to reports.

The victim, an 8-year-old, neutered, Domestic Short Hair named Reddington True, is currently undergoing treatment for his injuries at Olympic Memorial Hospital. His injuries are not considered life-threatening.

According to police documents, Reddington was in his room watching “Grey’s Anatomy” when he became hungry and decided to get some Cheez-Its.

This G.I. Joe Action Figure was euthanized last week for attacking and fatally injuring a local cat

When Reddington went downstairs to check out the pantry, he was confronted by a small, angry, little man wielding a plastic sword and wearing a World War II-era outfit.

“He looked like he might have been a veteran of foreign war,” Reddington said, referring to the clothing the Action Figure was wearing that night. “Maybe he is suffering from post-traumatic shock. Or maybe he was just hungry.”

Reddington was stabbed repeatedly by the enraged little man, who even threw a tiny plastic grenade, which failed to explode. Reddington managed get past him and conceal himself in a box of Lionel trains, after which he said, “…the little man ran away.”

Reddington eluded the attacker by disguising himself as a model train

After a neighbor alerted police, officers set a trap for the Action Figure at the home and patrolled the neighborhood. Police Chief Adrian, a 10-year-old Domestic Short Hair said, “If captured, the Action Figure will be euthanized for the attack, regardless of whether or not he is a veteran.”

It was not clear how the Action Figure got into the house and Port Townsend Police officers waited to talk to Reddington to obtain more details.

The Clallam County Humane Society said they have sadly euthanized more than 11 assorted Action Figures in the Port Angeles to Sequim area for this type of violent attack and has relocated 22 other action figures so far this season.

A tired, hungry Reddington wrestled the Action Figure and ‘slammed him down’

"I wrestled it, grabbed his sword, picked him up over my head and slammed him down on the steps,” Reddington stated. “He tried his little plastic pistol, but it didn’t work.” He said the rogue Action Figure bit and stabbed him at least 60 times on his arms, hands, legs, and paws, but still didn’t quit.

"Then he jumped at me. I caught him in mid-air, punched him a few times, and again slammed him down on the ground," said Reddington. “He must have been a Marine action figure because he was gung-ho all right.”

Luckily, Reddington is expected to make a full recovery. Police are still combing the area for the Action Figure in question.

Sharyn Thoma-Guay reporter-at-large
Redding ton & Action Figure Photo: Thanks to Sara Polley
Grumman (as Reddington) In Train Box: Thanks to Forrest Scott Wood

Saturday, March 27, 2010

Police Seek Killer After Lollipop Found Murdered

Edmonds, WA

Edmonds police said they are searching for the cat or cats responsible for smashing and killing a lollipop on Friday afternoon.

Officers called to a local neighborhood around 4 p.m. found the 8-month-old lollipop, lying in the street with what appeared to have been a crushing blow to the head.

The lollipop was quickly rushed to the Stevens Medical Center, where she was pronounced dead from her injuries.

Dodo said Bing-Bing was a “…sucker for anyone asking for money.”

The body of the lollipop, who was working as an instructor at a local school, also showed signs of possible strangulation, while her purse and other belongings were missing, according to police.

The police have started an investigation, suspecting that the lollipop may have been robbed and killed at close range.

The lollipop has been identified by the police as Bing-Bing, a Blue Raspberry, Charms Blow-Pop, who had been imported from China and worked at Edmonds Community College. The school said she had been working there for five months teaching pottery.

Bing-Bing taught Japanese classes at Edmonds Community College

Bing-Bing reportedly had a meal at a friend's place Friday afternoon and went home alone at around 3 p.m. The friend, Dodo, a 6-year-old, neutered Siamese Mix, asked local police to search for her after she did not answer a Facebook message later that evening.

“I’m shocked and stunned at what has happened,” said Dodo. “I wouldn’t be surprised if she was robbed, she was a sucker for anyone asking for money.”

A local cat named Harry, a 4-year-old Domestic Short Hair, was in the process of trying on multiple pairs of pink satin and yellow cotton women’s underpants when he glanced out the window and saw the body of the lollipop laying crushed on the sidewalk.

Harry was in his home trying on women’s undergarments when he noticed the body while glancing out a window

“I feel so bad for that lollipop,” said Harry. “It looks like she really put up a fight though. She took some pretty bad licks. It’s very sad for her family.”

Edmonds Deputy Coroner reports state Bing-Bing had trauma to her head, but would not speculate on how it occurred. The report said it did not appear Bing-Bing was hit by a vehicle of any sort.

An autopsy is scheduled for Monday morning at the Snohomish County Coroner's Office to determine the exact cause and manner of death.

Anyone with information is asked to call Edmonds Police.

Sharyn Thoma-Guay reporter-at-large
Harry Photo: Thanks to Seamus F. O'Reilly, II
Lollipop Photo: Thanks to an afternoon walk

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Seven Arrested In Botched Corn Dog Heist

Edmonds, WA

Edmonds police officers arrested seven cats today in connection with an attempted robbery that occurred at 3:10 p.m. near a food cart at the ferry terminal.

The suspects approached the victim, Henry, a 3-week-old Boston Terrier pup, assaulted him, and attempted to steal his corn dog.

The cats fled after a brief struggle and the victim used his cell phone to call police.

Witnesses said the cats were skilled and organized

Officers combed an area around Sunset Avenue and Main Street and located the cats hiding in a parking lot near an ATM.

At the same time, a vehicle thought to be associated with the suspects quickly left the parking lot.

Witnesses said the cats hid on the roof of a warehouse next to the corn dog cart and used rappelling equipment to drop down to where the victim stood putting mustard on his corn dog.

Police said the corn dog may have been earmarked for the black market

Had they been successful it would have been the fifth such violent robbery in as many weeks.

The cats suffered no injuries, although the corn dog, which fell to the ground during the struggle, lost its life.

The corn dog was believed to be destined for the black market, perhaps overseas.

Names of the suspects have not been released to the public

Trafficking in corn dogs, which are a Schedule II substance, carries a penalty of not less than 10 years in prison and a $4 million dollar fine.

The identities of the robbers have not been made available to the public. Witnesses said one of the cats appeared to be Siamese.

Sharyn Thoma-Guay reporter-at-large
Siamese Photo: Steven Thompson and Kellie Kat
Russian Blue: My Seamus
Harvey Photo: Thanks to Michele in Sequim, WA

Monday, March 8, 2010

Really Big Stains Found Under Area Rugs In Local Home

Lynnwood, WA

A surprise visit from police today uncovered what appears to be large coffee stains kept hidden under a rug in a Lynnwood living room for years.

The owner of the home, a 12-year-old, neutered, Silver Spotted British Shorthair named Dumptruck, said he bought and used a red oriental carpet to cover up the stain four years ago.

The stain is approximately 12” inches by 7” inches, is light brown in color, and is situated over another, lighter stain of unknown origin.

Dumptruck said fear played a major role in covering up the crime

The cat now stands accused of at least three counts of conspiracy to cover up carpet stains and household chore fraud.

“Everyone always said what an exceptionally clean house he kept,” said an insider. “I guess we know better now.”

The 5 ½’ x 11’ red oriental carpet was bought with intent to fool and used in a criminal act, police said. Crumbs and other debris were found stuffed haphazardly under the rug, almost as if the occupant had been expecting a visitor.

This seated Buddha duped unwary visitors of a stain hidden underneath

Further investigation in the home turned up a seated Buddha statue, which had been creatively placed on the floor to cover up a horrific 7” rust-colored stain that has yet to be identified.

Dumptruck confessed to his crimes, stating his boyfriend of six years, Carl, is “nit picky” when it comes to housework and doesn’t like stains or spots on his carpets.

Dumptruck said no matter what carpet stain remover he purchased, the stains would simply not release themselves from the unforgiving Berber carpet. Desperate and scared, he went to IKEA and purchased the rug to use as a cover up.

Boyfriend Carl is said to be “inconsolable” with grief

Carl, also 12, is said to have taken to his bed and is “inconsolable” with grief after discovering his boyfriend is not as good a housekeeper as he previously believed.

“I knew I should have just come out and admitted it,” said Dumptruck. “I was really scared about what I’d done and feared what Carl might do.”

Police spatter analysts also found multiple other small stains believed to be coffee, ketchup, tea, and peanut butter, which were also kept secret under the rug.

Sharyn Thoma-Guay reporter-at-large
Dumptruck Photo: Thanks to Martin & Kassy Spires, West Sussex, England

Friday, March 5, 2010

Defective Kittens Still Not Fixed, Some Owners Say

Seattle, Wa

As we previously reported, hundreds of consumers have experienced problems with kittens they adopted from a dealership in Seattle. A Lemon Law in effect helped owners get repairs on kittens they claimed to be “malfunctioning” and “defective.”

Complaints ranged from sudden, erratic bursts of acceleration to outright breakdowns and exhaust failure. The dealership had since agreed to a kitten recall to find and fix any abnormalities.

So far, the problems have been linked to 34 kitten crashes both in local neighborhoods and living rooms, all allegedly caused by the acceleration problems. But owners say the kittens have not been repaired as promised.

Consumers are saying these kittens are still “unpredictable” and “dangerous”

Lawyers representing the dealership have blamed mechanical causes and/or errant owners for the issues and have repaired about 200 kittens so far, but has said it is also looking into electronic, musculoskeletal, and digestive issues as a potential cause.

Stewart, a 6-year-old, neutered Scottish Fold, said his 6-month-old kitten Day-Day suddenly accelerated to about 15 mph on a street near his home on Saturday, five days after a dealership had trimmed the hair on his ears and installed new brake override software as part of the recall.

Stewart said the kitten didn't stop for several seconds, even though he pulled on the leash. He said he barely avoided a wall and nearly went down an embankment and into a ravine, where he could have got dirty.

Mary-Anne said young Rutherford “is not better than before (the repairs)”

Mary-Anne, a 3-year-old, spayed Manx, said she returned her kitten, Rutherford, to the dealer to have him repaired. She said the kitten had accelerated two previous times, and both times she took it to the dealership to be checked. In one case it was inspected by a corporate kitten technician who could find nothing wrong.

“He’ll still get up sometimes and try to run and then just stall out or suddenly burst head-first into a wall,“ said Mary-Anne. “You should see the drywall in my house…he’s not fixed.”

As previously reported, the company that produced the kittens claimed they were “low mileage” and “gently used,” citing complex technology that went into manufacturing them.

This kitten’s acceleration problems made him a missing person, he took off at a speed of 25 miles per hour and was never seen again

Gingerbottom Fancypants, a 13-year-old, Domestic Short Hair, who is a retired office assistant, said her 2009 kitten accelerated last weekend as she pulled up to her mailbox near her home — wrapping her around a pole.

Ms. Fancypants said she had just returned from a shopping trip to the mall with her 3-year-old granddog and was embarrassed by the incident.

The dealership said sales fell 20 percent in February but it would offer repeat buyers two years of free maintenance to help rebuild customer loyalty, adding that said all new kittens sold will have a manual brake override system by 2011.

Sharyn Thoma-Guay reporter-at-large

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Local Tree Caught Exposing Himself Near School

Lynnwood, WA

Police in Lynnwood are investigating another case of indecent exposure near a school.

A cat walking along Lynndale Park near the elementary school contacted police when she noticed a tree sitting on a stump near a fence post with his pants pulled down to his knees.

Police said the tree, identified only as a 45-year-old Douglas Fir, is targeting female cats and small kittens who live in the area around the park, which borders Lynndale Elementary School.

Wicket said the tree "dropped his pants, exposing wood" to him as he walked by the school

Police said the suspect is difficult to catch because he blends in well with the neighborhood park, where many other trees also live and work.

Police said they have been tracking the tree since last November, when he first began prowling the neighborhood and exposing himself.

A local cat this week said she caught the tree “peeling some of his own bark off” as she was cleaning off her car to drive to work. The cat, who requested anonymity, hopes to warn others and get other victims to come forward.

Last year this tree was caught exposing himself to kittens, he blamed an “errant gardener” for his problems and was given two years probation

"It was 32 degrees outside at 4:00 in the morning, you would think (the tree) would have something better to do than show me his branches," the cat said.

Police said they have taken multiple reports about the tree, who they said is “preying on the innocent.” The tree has struck at least seven times, but the crimes seem to be getting bolder, police said.

"There have been incidents in the past where cats reported trees peeping in the windows as they were getting changed and such, sadly, now there are these exposure incidents" said Lynnwood’s Police Chief.

This cat saw the tree expose himself, then slink back into the woods

The Douglas Fir tree’s latest victim described him as a large, solid tree of average build with thick brown branches wearing green plaid pants.

Police have found piles of empty water bottles and half-eaten jars of Nutella brand hazelnut spread in the park, leading them to believe the tree is living within the park’s borders.

Police said locals should pay close attention to any tree they see hanging or walking around for no apparent reason. Police said if you spot a suspicious bush or tree of if you have been a victim to contact them right away.

Sharyn Thoma-Guay reporter-at-large
Tree Photos: By Me!

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