Large Apple Fritter Sought In Local Robbery

Palm Springs, CA

An oddly large apple fritter escaped from a Swiss Donut this morning and threatened the life of a local cat.

The fritter, large, and heavily iced, reportedly crept from its white bakery bag, ran across South Sunrise Way and into a local retirement community.

"I saw it race across the street and into the cacti." said witness Marlboro, a 3-year-old, neutered, Domestic Short Hair, "It was so big, it looked like a turtle or something."


Marlboro saw the fritter escape across the road

Palm Springs Police were called to the scene of a disturbance just hours later. The fritter had managed to avoid capture and hide in the neighborhood, awaiting its victim.

Police said an elderly cat on her way to play Mexican train dominoes was accosted by the fritter on the street.

“It seemed friendly enough at first, just a regular donut.” said Myrna, a 20-year-old, spayed, Domestic Short Hair.


Myrna was on her way to play Mexican train dominoes when stopped by the fritter

There is some debate as to how to properly classify an apple fritter. Some consider it to be a donut, while others consider it to belong, more generally, to the pastry family.

“It asked me for my wallet.” said Myrna, “Rather, it told me to hand it over or else.”

The fritter, only hours old and very fresh, was reportedly on a mission to get to Los Angeles to see its girlfriend, who was pregnant.


The fritter escaped from the South Sunrise Way Swiss Donut

“At first, I considered eating it,” said Myrna, “Then I got quite scared and gave it my wallet. I never saw a fritter so jumpy before. It was shaking so badly a few apple chunks fell off. I ate the chunks.”

The fritter then scatted off into the clubhouse, reportedly to make a phone call, before disappearing for good.

Police are combing the area and are questioning both witnesses and suspects at this time. No one was injured during the robbery.

Sharyn Thoma-Guay reporter-at-large