Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Cat Attacked By ‘Ugly, Little, Plastic Man’ In Stable Condition

Port Townsend, WA

Police officers are searching for a 5-year-old, male, 12” G.I. Joe Action Figure involved in an attack on a local cat Tuesday night.

A cat living in the Front Street area on the east side of Port Townsend was viciously attacked in his home by the Action Figure while attempting to get a snack from the pantry, according to reports.

The victim, an 8-year-old, neutered, Domestic Short Hair named Reddington True, is currently undergoing treatment for his injuries at Olympic Memorial Hospital. His injuries are not considered life-threatening.

According to police documents, Reddington was in his room watching “Grey’s Anatomy” when he became hungry and decided to get some Cheez-Its.

This G.I. Joe Action Figure was euthanized last week for attacking and fatally injuring a local cat

When Reddington went downstairs to check out the pantry, he was confronted by a small, angry, little man wielding a plastic sword and wearing a World War II-era outfit.

“He looked like he might have been a veteran of foreign war,” Reddington said, referring to the clothing the Action Figure was wearing that night. “Maybe he is suffering from post-traumatic shock. Or maybe he was just hungry.”

Reddington was stabbed repeatedly by the enraged little man, who even threw a tiny plastic grenade, which failed to explode. Reddington managed get past him and conceal himself in a box of Lionel trains, after which he said, “…the little man ran away.”

Reddington eluded the attacker by disguising himself as a model train

After a neighbor alerted police, officers set a trap for the Action Figure at the home and patrolled the neighborhood. Police Chief Adrian, a 10-year-old Domestic Short Hair said, “If captured, the Action Figure will be euthanized for the attack, regardless of whether or not he is a veteran.”

It was not clear how the Action Figure got into the house and Port Townsend Police officers waited to talk to Reddington to obtain more details.

The Clallam County Humane Society said they have sadly euthanized more than 11 assorted Action Figures in the Port Angeles to Sequim area for this type of violent attack and has relocated 22 other action figures so far this season.

A tired, hungry Reddington wrestled the Action Figure and ‘slammed him down’

"I wrestled it, grabbed his sword, picked him up over my head and slammed him down on the steps,” Reddington stated. “He tried his little plastic pistol, but it didn’t work.” He said the rogue Action Figure bit and stabbed him at least 60 times on his arms, hands, legs, and paws, but still didn’t quit.

"Then he jumped at me. I caught him in mid-air, punched him a few times, and again slammed him down on the ground," said Reddington. “He must have been a Marine action figure because he was gung-ho all right.”

Luckily, Reddington is expected to make a full recovery. Police are still combing the area for the Action Figure in question.

Copyright Sharyn Thoma
Redding ton & Action Figure Photo: Thanks to Sara Polley
Grumman (as Reddington) In Train Box: Thanks to Forrest Scott Wood
Others: Random

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Local Cat Bravely Survived Four Minutes Of Cardio DVD

Lynnwood, WA

A Lynnwood cat today said he survived four grueling minutes without food or drink after beginning a cardio DVD.

The cat, Dagmar, a 10-year-old, neutered, Domestic Long Hair, said he was feeling guilty after a routine night of binge-eating and decided to try the 33-minute cardio-intensive program.

Dagmar said his face grew red and he became “so hungry and physically exhausted” that he became “stuck.” He had no food or water so he ate lint off the carpet.

This half-eater jar of peanut butter was found in Dagmar’s living room, evidence of the incident

“I was alone when I decided to work out,” Dagmar stated. “After those four minutes I was afraid the living room might become my coffin, I felt close to death,” he said.

Dagmar gained little from the carpet lint and said he knew he had yet to walk the next seven feet to the kitchen to call 911.

Sadly he collapsed when he reached the kitchen, but neighbors had heard his weary screams and quickly came to his rescue.

“I’m alive” said the lucky cat

Medics at the scene strapped Dagmar to a gurney. Chart notes state he was given oral peanut butter and half an apple fritter, but was non-responsive.

His odds of survival were so thin doctors called it a miracle that he lived.

“Once I ran out of energy that was it,“ Dagmar said from his hospital bed. “I feared for my life I was so hungry," said Dagmar.

Wife Vicky is said to be “absolutely amazed” Dagmar survived

"I just thank God that I survived this. I mean, everybody was praying for me and I guess it just wasn't my turn yet.” Dagmar said.

As the sole breadwinner for his wife and five kittens, Dagmar was always a late-night eater.

“I definitely have a new grasp on life. I look at people differently. After surviving those four minutes I feel like I can do anything," he continued.

Copyright Sharyn Thoma

Saturday, March 27, 2010

Police Seek Killer After Lollipop Found Murdered

Edmonds, WA

Edmonds police said they are searching for the cat or cats responsible for smashing and killing a lollipop on Friday afternoon.

Officers called to a local neighborhood around 4 p.m. found the 8-month-old lollipop, lying in the street with what appeared to have been a crushing blow to the head.

The lollipop was quickly rushed to the Stevens Medical Center, where she was pronounced dead from her injuries.

Dodo said Bing-Bing was a “…sucker for anyone asking for money.”

The body of the lollipop, who was working as an instructor at a local school, also showed signs of possible strangulation, while her purse and other belongings were missing, according to police.

The police have started an investigation, suspecting that the lollipop may have been robbed and killed at close range.

The lollipop has been identified by the police as Bing-Bing, a Blue Raspberry, Charms Blow-Pop, who had been imported from China and worked at Edmonds Community College. The school said she had been working there for five months teaching pottery.

Bing-Bing taught Japanese classes at Edmonds Community College

Bing-Bing reportedly had a meal at a friend's place Friday afternoon and went home alone at around 3 p.m. The friend, Dodo, a 6-year-old, neutered Siamese Mix, asked local police to search for her after she did not answer a Facebook message later that evening.

“I’m shocked and stunned at what has happened,” said Dodo. “I wouldn’t be surprised if she was robbed, she was a sucker for anyone asking for money.”

A local cat named Harry, a 4-year-old Domestic Short Hair, was in the process of trying on multiple pairs of pink satin and yellow cotton women’s underpants when he glanced out the window and saw the body of the lollipop laying crushed on the sidewalk.

Harry was in his home trying on women’s undergarments when he noticed the body while glancing out a window

“I feel so bad for that lollipop,” said Harry. “It looks like she really put up a fight though. She took some pretty bad licks. It’s very sad for her family.”

Edmonds Deputy Coroner reports state Bing-Bing had trauma to her head, but would not speculate on how it occurred. The report said it did not appear Bing-Bing was hit by a vehicle of any sort.

An autopsy is scheduled for Monday morning at the Snohomish County Coroner's Office to determine the exact cause and manner of death.

Anyone with information is asked to call Edmonds Police.

Copyright Sharyn Thoma
Harry Photo: Thanks to Seamus F. O'Reilly, II
Lollipop Photo: Thanks to an afternoon walk

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

City Reaches $10 Million Settlement Over Strip Searches

Seattle, WA

For the third time in a decade, the City of Seattle has agreed to pay millions of dollars to settle a lawsuit stemming from the illegal strip searches of thousands of non-violent cats.

The settlement, which was announced on Monday, provides $10 million to the roughly 100,000 cats who were stripped naked by police officers and never given a tip.

In 2003, the city settled a similar case filed on behalf of more than 500 cats who had their clothing removed by police without a tip as they waited for coffee, stood in lines at the post office, and worked on their cars.

Females who were stripped usually offer lap dances, one police officer said

In Washington, tipping is expected whenever any type of stripping occurs. The victims say the amount of tip that is given should directly correspond with performance.

“I was strip searched by a cop once while buying donuts,” said Marley, a 4-year-old, spayed Domestic Short Hair. “The cop seemed to be satisfied, but even after I gave him a lap dance he never gave me a dime.”

Marley said the officer did not tip him, but left with one of his apple fritters.

119 additional claimants are still awaiting decisions from the court

“It’s unjust, I agree,” said one police insider who admitted he never tips. “Some will stay as long as there's money, but often we get called to a scene and have to leave quickly.”

In 2006, the city again agreed to pay several million dollars, this time to settle the claims of thousands of cats who were strip searched and felt up in at least four Papa Murphy’s pizza stores, including one in Queen Anne, between 1999 and 2002.

It is commonly known and a courtesy to those stripped that a bigger tip will always lead to better service. Researchers say that is why a second lap dance is much better than the first after a solid tip.

“…Sometimes we get called away to a scene and have to leave quickly,” said one officer

Females who were stripped usually offer lap dances, police said. The settlement covers 119 additional claimants who said they had gone so far as to offer pole dances, and still not received a tip.

The lead lawyer for the plaintiffs claimed it has been a settled law since 1976 that it is unconstitutional to not tip after any strip search, regardless of who performs the search.

Copyright The Kitty City Gazette

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Seven Arrested In Botched Corn Dog Heist

Edmonds, WA

Edmonds police officers arrested seven cats today in connection with an attempted robbery that occurred at 3:10 p.m. near a food cart at the ferry terminal.

The suspects approached the victim, Henry, a 3-week-old Boston Terrier pup, assaulted him, and attempted to steal his corn dog.

The cats fled after a brief struggle and the victim used his cell phone to call police.

Witnesses said the cats were skilled and organized

Officers combed an area around Sunset Avenue and Main Street and located the cats hiding in a parking lot near an ATM.

At the same time, a vehicle thought to be associated with the suspects quickly left the parking lot.

Witnesses said the cats hid on the roof of a warehouse next to the corn dog cart and used rappelling equipment to drop down to where the victim stood putting mustard on his corn dog.

Police said the corn dog may have been earmarked for the black market

Had they been successful it would have been the fifth such violent robbery in as many weeks.

The cats suffered no injuries, although the corn dog, which fell to the ground during the struggle, lost its life.

The corn dog was believed to be destined for the black market, perhaps overseas.

Names of the suspects have not been released to the public

Trafficking in corn dogs, which are a Schedule II substance, carries a penalty of not less than 10 years in prison and a $4 million dollar fine.

The identities of the robbers have not been made available to the public. Witnesses said one of the cats appeared to be Siamese.

Copyright Sharyn Thoma
Siamese Photo: Steven Thompson and Kellie Kat
Russian Blue: My Seamus
Harvey Photo: Thanks to Michele in Sequim, WA

Monday, March 15, 2010

Store Employees Were Threatened Over Lack Of Peanut Butter, Feds Say

Edmonds, WA

Threats against Edmonds QFC workers and the store they work in continue to pour in after they ran out of Skippy Reduced Fat Extra Crunchy Peanut Butter last week, according to the FBI.

Cats are up in arms and are threatening physical and legal action if depleted store shelves are not restocked sometime soon.

FBI watchdogs are investigating more than 75 instances of inappropriate comments made to stock boys, grocery clerks, and deli workers by cats, officials said this week.

What was once a fully stocked Skippy rack has now become depleted as more and more cats horde the popular low-fat variety

Workers have received a mix of inappropriate verbal comments including jokes, teasing, and even spankings, according to reports.

Local government and state officials said a lack of low-fat peanut butter, whether crunchy or creamy, could spark wars and worry about the social and environmental impact on communities.

The FBI said important non-renewable resources such as low-fat peanut butter have become so vital to the safety and security of the nation that small ponds and some larger lakes are being drained to become reservoirs in which to store it.

“Wars have been won and lost over peanut butter,” said Shimmy, an FBI spokesperson

"Fresh jars of low-fat peanut butter, especially Skippy extra crunchy, is in short supply in many countries, even today," said the Federal Government.

The FBI said they learned of the threats from the TSA, which tracks threats against grocery workers who commute by car or bicycle.

Neither that agency nor the FBI would confirm the number of threats or share details of the probe.

The Federal Government has plans to drain Lake Stevens and convert it to become a vast peanut butter reservoir

“The Bureau is actively and aggressively investigating all threats made against QFC employees, infrastructure, and property,’’ said Shimmy, a 9-year-old, neutered, Domestic Short Hair. His office has instructed workers to report threats immediately.

Attacks and threats against Safeway deli workers are nothing new. Last summer, eight QFC deli workers were tazered by cats angered over the discontinuation of their favorite cole slaw.

In the past, cats have rammed cars into the front of the deli as well as set them on fire. Some cats reportedly took out hits on bakery employees just last December after apple fritters were made unavailable after 5:00 p.m. PST.

Copyright Sharyn Thoma
I love peanut butter

Monday, March 8, 2010

Really Big Stains Found Under Area Rugs In Local Home

Lynnwood, WA

A surprise visit from police today uncovered what appears to be large coffee stains kept hidden under a rug in a Lynnwood living room for years.

The owner of the home, a 12-year-old, neutered, Silver Spotted British Shorthair named Dumptruck, said he bought and used a red oriental carpet to cover up the stain four years ago.

The stain is approximately 12” inches by 7” inches, is light brown in color, and is situated over another, lighter stain of unknown origin.

Dumptruck said fear played a major role in covering up the crime

The cat now stands accused of at least three counts of conspiracy to cover up carpet stains and household chore fraud.

“Everyone always said what an exceptionally clean house he kept,” said an insider. “I guess we know better now.”

The 5 ½’ x 11’ red oriental carpet was bought with intent to fool and used in a criminal act, police said. Crumbs and other debris were found stuffed haphazardly under the rug, almost as if the occupant had been expecting a visitor.

This seated Buddha duped unwary visitors of a stain hidden underneath

Further investigation in the home turned up a seated Buddha statue, which had been creatively placed on the floor to cover up a horrific 7” rust-colored stain that has yet to be identified.

Dumptruck confessed to his crimes, stating his boyfriend of six years, Carl, is “nit picky” when it comes to housework and doesn’t like stains or spots on his carpets.

Dumptruck said no matter what carpet stain remover he purchased, the stains would simply not release themselves from the unforgiving Berber carpet. Desperate and scared, he went to IKEA and purchased the rug to use as a cover up.

Boyfriend Carl is said to be “inconsolable” with grief

Carl, also 12, is said to have taken to his bed and is “inconsolable” with grief after discovering his boyfriend is not as good a housekeeper as he previously believed.

“I knew I should have just come out and admitted it,” said Dumptruck. “I was really scared about what I’d done and feared what Carl might do.”

Police spatter analysts also found multiple other small stains believed to be coffee, ketchup, tea, and peanut butter, which were also kept secret under the rug.

Copyright Sharyn Thoma
Dumptruck Photo: Thanks to Martin & Kassy Spires, West Sussex, England
Stain Photos: Yeah, um, they're mine...

Friday, March 5, 2010

Defective Kittens Still Not Fixed, Some Owners Say

Seattle, Wa

As we previously reported, hundreds of consumers have experienced problems with kittens they adopted from a dealership in Seattle. A Lemon Law in effect helped owners get repairs on kittens they claimed to be “malfunctioning” and “defective.”

Complaints ranged from sudden, erratic bursts of acceleration to outright breakdowns and exhaust failure. The dealership had since agreed to a kitten recall to find and fix any abnormalities.

So far, the problems have been linked to 34 kitten crashes both in local neighborhoods and living rooms, all allegedly caused by the acceleration problems. But owners say the kittens have not been repaired as promised.

Consumers are saying these kittens are still “unpredictable” and “dangerous”

Lawyers representing the dealership have blamed mechanical causes and/or errant owners for the issues and have repaired about 200 kittens so far, but has said it is also looking into electronic, musculoskeletal, and digestive issues as a potential cause.

Stewart, a 6-year-old, neutered Scottish Fold, said his 6-month-old kitten Day-Day suddenly accelerated to about 15 mph on a street near his home on Saturday, five days after a dealership had trimmed the hair on his ears and installed new brake override software as part of the recall.

Stewart said the kitten didn't stop for several seconds, even though he pulled on the leash. He said he barely avoided a wall and nearly went down an embankment and into a ravine, where he could have got dirty.

Mary-Anne said young Rutherford “is not better than before (the repairs)”

Mary-Anne, a 3-year-old, spayed Manx, said she returned her kitten, Rutherford, to the dealer to have him repaired. She said the kitten had accelerated two previous times, and both times she took it to the dealership to be checked. In one case it was inspected by a corporate kitten technician who could find nothing wrong.

“He’ll still get up sometimes and try to run and then just stall out or suddenly burst head-first into a wall,“ said Mary-Anne. “You should see the drywall in my house…he’s not fixed.”

As previously reported, the company that produced the kittens claimed they were “low mileage” and “gently used,” citing complex technology that went into manufacturing them.

This kitten’s acceleration problems made him a missing person, he took off at a speed of 25 miles per hour and was never seen again

Gingerbottom Fancypants, a 13-year-old, Domestic Short Hair, who is a retired office assistant, said her 2009 kitten accelerated last weekend as she pulled up to her mailbox near her home — wrapping her around a pole.

Ms. Fancypants said she had just returned from a shopping trip to the mall with her 3-year-old granddog and was embarrassed by the incident.

The dealership said sales fell 20 percent in February but it would offer repeat buyers two years of free maintenance to help rebuild customer loyalty, adding that said all new kittens sold will have a manual brake override system by 2011.

Copyright Sharyn Thoma

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

FAA Suspends 2 Who Let LOLCat Direct Planes

New York, NY

An air traffic controller at New York's Kennedy Airport is suspended, along with his supervisor, for allowing his cat to radio instructions to several pilots.

The cat, a 9-year-old, neutered, Domestic Short Hair named Waffles, was said to be playing with string and doing Sudoku at the time he was on the headset to pilots.

“(Waffles) was having so much fun watching all the little thingies on the screen move around,” said air traffic controller Bryce Dean, a 32-year-old Human. “It was so fun to watch him!”

This was not the first time Waffles had been at the helm according to Bryce

The short verbal exchanges between the cat and jets in the air around NY airspace appeared to delight pilots at the time. "I wish I could bring my cat to work," one pilot said.

Bryce, who is not married, said he often brings Waffles to work, sometimes dressed in cute outfits, but usually drops him off at the library or movies while he works his shift.

The FAA has suspended Bryce and his supervisor, whose parrot, Pete was also found in the tower, after recordings of the exchanges were posted on LOLcat sites and was reported on by a local television station.

Waffles urged pilots to “buzz the tower”

"This lapse in judgment not only violated FAA's own policies, but common sense standards for professional conduct,” the FAA said. ”These kinds of distractions are totally unacceptable, there should never be Sudoku in the towers.”

On the recording, which lasts about a twenty-five minutes, the cat appears to repeat instructions fed to him by Bryce and others in the room. At one time the cat told one aircraft to “buzz the tower, just so I know you’re listening.”

There are a few more similar exchanges. A pilot laughs. The cat and the parrot, Pete, can be overheard giggling.

Both Waffles and Pete were overheard giggling on the recordings

In his last call, the cat signs off, "later." The pilot responds in kind.

The FAA is investigating and also said it has since barred unofficial visits by pets or relatives to FAA air traffic operational areas while it reviews its policies.

Copyright Sharyn Thoma
Tower Pics: Associated Press, FAA

Local Tree Caught Exposing Himself Near School

Lynnwood, WA

Police in Lynnwood are investigating another case of indecent exposure near a school.

A cat walking along Lynndale Park near the elementary school contacted police when she noticed a tree sitting on a stump near a fence post with his pants pulled down to his knees.

Police said the tree, identified only as a 45-year-old Douglas Fir, is targeting female cats and small kittens who live in the area around the park, which borders Lynndale Elementary School.

Wicket said the tree "dropped his pants, exposing wood" to him as he walked by the school

Police said the suspect is difficult to catch because he blends in well with the neighborhood park, where many other trees also live and work.

Police said they have been tracking the tree since last November, when he first began prowling the neighborhood and exposing himself.

A local cat this week said she caught the tree “peeling some of his own bark off” as she was cleaning off her car to drive to work. The cat, who requested anonymity, hopes to warn others and get other victims to come forward.

Last year this tree was caught exposing himself to kittens, he blamed an “errant gardener” for his problems and was given two years probation

"It was 32 degrees outside at 4:00 in the morning, you would think (the tree) would have something better to do than show me his branches," the cat said.

Police said they have taken multiple reports about the tree, who they said is “preying on the innocent.” The tree has struck at least seven times, but the crimes seem to be getting bolder, police said.

"There have been incidents in the past where cats reported trees peeping in the windows as they were getting changed and such, sadly, now there are these exposure incidents" said Lynnwood’s Police Chief.

This cat saw the tree expose himself, then slink back into the woods

The Douglas Fir tree’s latest victim described him as a large, solid tree of average build with thick brown branches wearing green plaid pants.

Police have found piles of empty water bottles and half-eaten jars of Nutella brand hazelnut spread in the park, leading them to believe the tree is living within the park’s borders.

Police said locals should pay close attention to any tree they see hanging or walking around for no apparent reason. Police said if you spot a suspicious bush or tree of if you have been a victim to contact them right away.

Copyright Sharyn Thoma
Tree Photos: By Me!

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

New Study Finds Food Habit-Forming

Seattle, WA

A survey of about 500 Seattle-area cats revealed that of cats who eat food, almost a third worry about becoming addicted to it and wanting to eat it again. Those surveyed said they are now scared and dread becoming “just like everyone else.”

More than a third said that they'd heard that eating was a “good normal thing.” But nearly three-quarters reported that food made them happy, and more than half agreed with the statement, saying "I love it."

Twenty-five percent agreed that food seemed like a good thing to eat when hungry , and that when it came to addiction, the benefits outweighed the risks.

Foods like this are thought to be habit-forming

The survey was done in early December of last year by a graduate anthropology class in research methods taught by a group of University of Washington professors.

The research subjects were fed food, which was instrumental in stopping hunger and providing satiety. 70% of the cats surveyed said they would prefer eating food to small bits of plastic, dust bunnies, or pencil erasers.

"One of the most striking things we saw in the after-interviews was just how much cats liked food," said one of the assistants. "Once a cat ate food, it seemed there was an almost 90% chance they would want to eat again."

Twenty-five percent agreed that food seemed like a good thing to eat when hungry

Food, is believed to produce an initial pleasurable effect, followed by a “rebound” effect called hunger.

"We have not begun to understand the cognitive and social impact of food,” the survey said. “Those who become addicted to it will be looking for it three, maybe four times a day.”

Moggy, a 7-year-old, neutered, Domestic Short Hair who participated in the study said food appeared to be a clever way to "get energy and use it as a source of nourishment.”

“After the first time…I was hooked” said Moggy

Given the choice of eating nothing or eating food, 89% of cats surveyed chose food.

“Food is like methamphetamine for your stomach,” said another professor. “Once you eat it, you will always want more and the search for ever increasing amounts of food could lead to social withdrawal, apple fritter eating, and crime.”

Copyright Sharyn Thoma
Moggy Pic: Thanks to Jack