Monday, June 28, 2010

Cat Repellent Spray Successfully Fails Consumer Testing


Seattle, WA

In yet another attempt to keep cats from urinating on freshly planted gardens, new furniture, clothing, and sinks, humans have completed first-round testing on a new brand of cat repellent spray. The spray backfired in routine consumer testing and served instead as an attractant.

There are few sure-fire cat repellents shown thus far to have any usefulness in the Human world. Many different scented formulas have been tried and ultimately failed, leaving humans in a frustrated tizzy.

“I love to pee on the kitchen counter.” said Cornbread, a 4-year-old Domestic Short Hair, neutered male from Sequim. “There is something about it. (The Human) wakes up and goes for that first cuppa joe and wham! They get hit with serious stink. Then they throw me out the door, which is exactly what I want!”


Cornbread favors peeing on the kitchen counter

The new formula, “Bad Kitty” is said to be a mixture of Listerine, pickle juice, crushed lemon Sweet-Tarts, and Mountain Dew. It comes in an 8 ounce and a 16 ounce spray bottle and was invented in a laboratory in Geneva, Switzerland. Sources say that the formula was four years in the making.

Consumers were chosen at random to test the new product for the American market. The results were staggering to scientists. Testing in households with cats who previously peed in sinks and other problem areas reported higher incidences of peeing than ever before.

Testing in control households with cats who never had pee issues reported startling new onsets of random acts of peeing.

"Bad Kitty" is said to come in two base varieties, Listerine, and Lemon-Lime

Many Humans try discipline in these types of situations. They keep a close eye on the cat, and when they see the cat about to go in the sink or bathtub, angrily squirt him (or her) with water from a bottle or squirt gun.

One Human reportedly resorted to using a blast from a boat air horn to deter a cat from peeing in a sink, until he was kicked out of his apartment in a fit of rage by his landlord.

“My owner tried a sour apple spray to keep me from peeing in the sink, and I stopped for a while, too.” said Moses, a 3-year-old, spayed, Tortoise Shell female from Bothell, “This new stuff they got though, it is awesome! The odd smells just made me feel like peeing. I really like peeing in the sink.”


Moses said “I… like peeing in the sink.”

Benjamin, a 6-year-old Domestic Short Hair male from Burien, said the repellent smells so good to him that he actually sits in the bathtub and waits for the urge. “The stuff is like crack.” Benjamin said, “I will actually drink extra water just so I can pee in the tub.”

Most Humans are actually relieved to have a cat pee in the tub or sink, rather than pee on the carpet, bed, or laundry pile. “They really should be thanking us.” said Benjamin, “It is easier to clean the sink than the carpet.”

Regardless, cats everywhere are safe once again due to the abject failure of this latest attempt at manipulation and behavior modification.


Benjamin has become a fan of bathtub peeing

Sharyn Thoma-Guay reporter-at-large

3 comments:

crazykittykat1 said...

We love to pee on stuff, the couch, the bed, the curtains, the wall, oh the list goes on and on. We is always in troubles. The people will never ever get us to stop. We just keep them busy cleaning and cleaning. We just sit back and laugh. No listerine stuff in dis house.

EUTERPE said...

Humans can never get it right, why have a cat if you don't want to pee everywhere, it is after all what cats do.

( I laughed so hard at this story I peed myself)

Rochelle said...

If you want something really vile with a taste like chemicals, try Gatorade.

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